“If I was dating an actress, it would bother me too.”Would it, though?I’d never gotten jealous over any of my exes.
“I think what’s really bothering you is you’ve seen someone kiss me, but you haven’t kissed me yet.”
“Did you feel used?”
“No.Are you worried you’re using me to find out if you’re bi?”
I just looked at him.
“I’m willing to let you,” he said.
“Don’t talk about yourself like that.”
“Why not?”he said.
“Because I don’t think of you as a sex object.I care about you.”
I got up and went to the bathroom.I needed to clear my head of glue fumes, plus, I was losing the argument, and I didn’t want to fight with him anyway.
WhatdidI want?
Him.
I wanted him all to myself.And that was selfish.He wasn’t mine to begin with.But I wanted him to be.And if this was who he was, I had to accept it, no matter how much it bothered me.
I splashed cold water on my face, then I started the bathroom fan, to clear the glue fumes from the apartment.
When I came back to the dining room, he’d put the cap on the glue and was quietly putting the loose pieces of the model away.
He didn’t look up.“I’m not quitting acting for you.”
“I know.”
“You’ll have to get used to it.”
“Did Trish?”
“No.It’s why we’re not together.”
So, she hadn’t wanted him enough.I had her beat on that.
“What if I get you a pass to come on the set while we’re filming?”he said.“If you see me at work, will that help you see it’s all make-believe?”
“What would you tell people about me?”
“That you’re my friend.”
Back in his kitchen two months ago, I would have taken that home and felt like the prince of the fucking world.But now, things were different.
“Your friend who at some point might be something else?No.Don’t say that.”I wasn’t ready to think about that.
“I’ll tell them you’re my friend,” he said.“That’s true, isn’t it?”
I stretched.“I’ve gotta go to bed.Didn’t sleep much last night.”Thinking about you.
We finished putting the model away.
“I couldn’t kiss someone if I didn’t want them,” I said.
