“Actors can.We do it all the time.”
“How?”
“Haven’t you had to do something hard, and you found a way to shut off while you were doing it?”
“Cleaning up my dog’s puke when I was a kid.”
“See?”he said.“I’m not so unrelatable, am I?”
He went to the couch and unfolded the blankets he’d left there this morning.He was done talking, but we hadn’t resolved anything.
“When can you get me a pass on set?”I said.
“Tomorrow.”
“Okay.I’ll call off work.Leave at ten?”
“Yeah,” he said.
I went up to him.“Eddie?I’m sober now, so...is it okay if I give you a hug?”
“Sure.”He dropped the blankets.
He stood there, and I moved into his space, carefully, because I didn’t know what he was going to do.We were like two ships pulled together by gravitational force.I’d felt that pull since the day I met him, but it was stronger this close to him.I couldn’t not touch him at that point.I put my arms around him and held him gently.Not because I was afraid I’d hurt him but because he felt so precious to me.It felt strange to touch him properly, not incidentally like at Deep Ice or the subway station or while watching a movie on my couch.It felt amazing too.Then he put his arms around me, and I felt his hands on my back.He was so relaxed and steady that I relaxed too.He smelled sweet, like molten sugar.I didn’t want to let him go, but I was feeling overwhelmed, so I stepped back.
“Thanks, Eddie.”I couldn’t look at him.“Good night.”
“Good night.”
I went to my bedroom and sat on the bed, trying to get a hold of myself.The floor felt like it was tilting, and my head was spinning.After a few minutes, things settled.I was thinking clearly, remembering how it had felt to hold him, how I could feel his ribs through his T-shirt, how fast he’d eaten his sandwich at Tim Hortons.
I left the bedroom door ajar when I went to bed.I heard him go up the hall to the bathroom, and I heard the tap running.He came out a few minutes later and went back to the living room.He didn’t stop to talk.
Chapter Seven: Kiss
The next morning, Iwoke early.I wasn’t sure what to wear.I didn’t want to seem like I was making an effort to look attractive, so I wore clothes I would have worn to hang out at home with Bexley or Ben.Then I called work to take a personal day.I hadn’t taken a day off since I’d started work a year ago.
