Twice on the subway, I almost puked, and not from my hangover.
I arrived at work on time.The lab was empty, so I figured I’d watch some observation videos in the conference room since no one had booked it.I figured it was a good place to hide.
I was leaving the lab when Trish walked in.We almost crashed into each other.I froze like a jacklit deer.
“Hi, Craig!”she said.She walked around me into the lab because I was still standing there.
“Hey.”I laughed nervously.
“That was fun last night, but my ears are still ringing,” she said.
“Yeah.”
I waited for her to deck me.But she was acting normally.Which meant he hadn’t told her.
I went to the conference room in a daze, turned on the computer, and played a video on the big screen.I started filling in an observation form while I watched—pretended to watch—the video.I thought about last night.
I’d arrived at Deep Ice way too early and had to wait outside for an hour, during which, I regretted not wearing a coat.
When they arrived, I noticed him first.He walked with a hitch in his step.Like a limp, but energetic.When I saw him, I experienced this weird burst of joy, like I’d been feeling a low-grade pain all day, then suddenly it stopped.
He wasn’t wearing a coat either, but his jeans weren’t ripped, and his T-shirt looked new.
Do I shake his hand or...?
He smiled at me and waved, then Trish waved, then I waved casually, like I hadn’t been about to shake his hand.Like I took my hand out of my pocket just to wave at him and for no other reason.
It was Thursday night, and there wasn’t much of a line, so they let us in pretty fast.The club was all purple and white and blue neon light, with silver lines like cracked ice under the transparent floor.We grabbed an empty table.
“I got the drinks,” I said, really chill.
I bought three beers.Except, it turned out he didn’t drink alcohol, and Trish didn’t like beer.So I ended up with three beers when I was planning on having one.I’m a lightweight when it comes to alcohol.My ex-girlfriend Gem used to drink me under the table on the regular and tease me over it.
I went back and got him a Coke.I knew he drank Coke because he’d had one at dinner the night before.I got Trish a chocolate martini because I knew she liked chocolate.
They were playing retro Canadian songs.The people were mostly mid–late twenties.The club was a bad idea.The loud music made it hard to have a conversation, and I didn’t know what to say.Trish and I ended up talking about work, and I felt guilty and tried to include him in the conversation, but I had to shout over the music.Every time I felt awkward, I took a sip of beer.I drank three beers in twenty minutes, but I still felt awkward, so I bought a couple more and drank those too, and the next thing I knew, I was feeling really buzzed.
Then “When I’m Up” by Great Big Sea started playing, and I said, “Let’s dance!”And we all piled onto the dance floor, and the lights were flashing blue and purple.Then “Home for a Rest” played and everybody who wasn’t already on the dance floor was suddenly on the dance floor screaming and shouting and jumping around, and a woman crashed into me and nearly knocked me down, and I caught hold of him to stop myself falling.And he was so solid, and he held me up.And I let him go and said, “Sorry.”Because I shouldn’t have touched him without his permission.He nodded at our table, so the three of us started back, but Trish went off to the washroom on the way, so when we sat down, it was just him and me.The music and the shouting were deafening.
It must have been the adrenaline from what had happened on the dance floor, and the beer, and seeing him sitting there looking so inviting, and—
And I leaned across the table and shouted, “I like you!”Just like that.
I’ve been told I get bold when I drink.
He smiled and gave me a thumbs-up.Like, no big deal.
He didn’t get what I meant.
I just wanted to explain.I figured if I used the right words, he’d understand.So, I leaned right across the table—I might have been partiallyonthe table—and...And I said (okay, screamed), “Iwantyou!”
I meant I wanted himas a friend.But as soon as I said it, I realized how it sounded.He blinked at me.Then Trish came back, and he put his arm around her.Then he kissed her or said something in her ear.Whichever it was,Igot the message.
They got up, and I realized they were leaving.I stood up too, even though we weren’t a group of three anymore.It was them and me.
Outside was cold, and my head felt muffled, and I was feeling disoriented, and he asked me to share a cab with them.I didn’t want to.I’d embarrassed myself enough for one night.But he insisted, and we all sat in the back with Trish between him and me, and I didn’t say a word till the cab dropped me at my place, and I said goodbye to her and him and got the hell out of there fast, even though I couldn’t walk straight.
So, yeah, I fucked up.But he hadn’t told Trish.
