I showered in a daze.By the time I got out, I was paranoid he’d left, so I pulled on all my clothes before I was fully dry and practically ran back to my room.And he was still there.He’d fallen asleep lying on his side, half under the blankets.
“Eddie?”I said softly.
He didn’t move.He looked so vulnerable and nonthreatening, and he’d said I could touch him, so I placed my hand over the dip in his side just below his ribs.My hand sank into him, and I shook him gently.My hair was still wet, and it was dripping onto him, leaving translucent dots on his T-shirt.
His eyes fluttered open, and he looked at me.
“Shower’s all yours.”My hand was still pressed into him.“You look...good.”I moved my hand up and down his side.“Youfeelgood.”
And then my body...responded.I yanked my hand away and stepped back.
“Yeah.Um, I’ll make breakfast.”
“Sounds good,” he said.
He didn’t get up, which was good because I needed space right fucking now.I went to the kitchen.
What the hell just happened?It had never happened that fast for me.I’d almost—Did he notice?I know he notices that stuff.Shit.
The bathroom door closed, and the shower started, and I tried to pull myself together.I really,reallyneeded to jack, but I couldn’t risk doing it, because he could come out of the bathroom any second.But also, if I jacked because of him, it would mean—I wasn’t ready for what that would mean.
I pulled myself together enough to make bacon sandwiches for us, and by the time he got out of the bathroom, I’d gotten myself under control.I was also running late for work.I grabbed my sandwich as he came into the kitchen.
“I have to go,” I said.“I made you a sandwich.”
“Thanks.”
“I’ll see you later, huh?”
“Yeah,” he said.
I went to the front door and pulled off the chain.
“Hey,” he called after me.
I went back to the kitchen.“Yeah?”
He took a bite of his sandwich.“Maybe we could fool around tonight?”He said it casually, like he was suggesting we watch hockey.
“Um.”Shit.
“Only if you want to,” he said.
“Yeah...I’d like that actually.See you later.”I let myself out.
Okay, he wanted to...And I’d told him thatIwanted to.Tonight.
Get a hold of yourself, Porter.
I was late to work because I missed my stop.My brain was going in a million directions.It didn’t help that I was training Trish’s replacement, Hilde, on how to code the different dog behaviors from video recordings.Hilde was flirting with me, laughing, and putting her hand on my wrist, which I couldn’t pull away because I was typing.I wouldn’t have minded that if I didn’t have a hot date with my...what?I didn’t have a boyfriend.I had him.Tonight.We were going to...
I kept making excuses to get up, and I’d go to the stairwell, run down the stairs to the first floor, then turn around and run up the stairs to the top floor.Then I’d do it again.It was either that or scream.But I was going crazy.I almost took a header down the stairs on my second lap.
Come noon, I was turning myself inside out.
“Do you want to get lunch?”said Hilde.
“I can’t.”
