He got me some ibuprofen from the bathroom and another glass of milk.
“Can I do anything else?”he said.
“Can you sit closer?”
I was worried he’d say no, but after a second, he moved over.
“Is it okay if I touch you?”I said.
“Sure.”
I put my arm around him slowly, because it hurt.He didn’t stop me, so I rested my head on his shoulder.
I felt miserable and pathetic and lonely.
“Hold me?”I said.
He didn’t do anything for a second, then he slowly eased his arm behind my back, and I made this pathetic little sound.
“Does that hurt?”
I realized he wanted to touch me, but he was afraid of hurting me.
“No.It’s nice.”
Then he stroked my side gently with his thumb, and I felt like I was coming apart.If I hadn’t been hurting everywhere, we would have been doing what he’d wanted to do this morning.But I wasn’t in any shape to, and because it was clear he understood, he didn’t scare me anymore.Everything hurt, but he was with me inside my pain, and that made it easier.
“You sure you don’t want to lie down?”he said.
“I’ll go to bed after the movie.”
We watched the rest of the movie.I was focused on his shoulder, warm and hollow under my cheek, and his hand touching my waist, and I was very aware of how I was only wearing a T-shirt and boxers.And that I was freezing.
“You want a blanket?”he said, starting to get up.
I knew the pain would get worse if he left me.
“No,” I said.“I’m okay.”
He settled back beside me.
“I’m sorry I fucked up our plans.”
“I’m the one who fucked up,” he said.“I shouldn’t have pushed you.”
“What do you mean?”
“If I hadn’t suggested we fool around, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“This had nothing to do with that.It was an accident.”
“Was it?”he said.
“You think I took a dive on purpose?”I felt called out.I wanted to bring in witnesses to tell him that Goliath and the thunder had caused it, not me.
“I think part of you wasn’t looking forward to tonight,” he said, not frustrated, just resigned.
“Iwaslooking forward to it, honestly, Eddie.”I wanted to prove it to him.But I couldn’t because I’d totally fucked myself up.
