“When did you know you were bi?”I said.
“Six months ago, when I started seeing Trish.Before that, I had a boyfriend for eight years.”
“Were you attracted to other women besides Trish?”
“No.”
“It’s killing me to look at you, actually.”I wanted to move closer to him.I also wanted to run away.Just sitting still was hard.
“If it makes you feel better, you don’t have a choice here,” he said.“I’m in a relationship.Nothing’s gonna happen between us.”
“I don’t feel better.I just feel sad.”Relieved too, if I was honest.And, because what he’d said made it feel safe to go on, I said, “Can we maybe go out again—the three of us?”
“That’s not a good idea, Craig.”
“I won’t try anything on you.I just want to spend time with you, get to know you, be your friend.”
“You don’t really see me as a potential friend, do you, Craig?That’s not what you’re looking for here, is it?”
I did want to spend time with him—a lot more time.I did want to get to know him better.And if he couldn’t give me anything else, I’d accept his friendship and be grateful for it.But he wasn’t even offering me that.
“If you didn’t have a girlfriend, what would you say to me?”
“I do have a girlfriend.”
“What am I gonna do?How am I supposed to go around feeling like this and not being able to do anything?”
“I don’t know what to tell you, Craig.”
“Haven’t you ever wanted someone you couldn’t be with?”
“Yeah,” he said quietly.“I have.”
I felt so jealous of whoever that person was.
“What did you do?”I said.
“Felt pretty fucking frustrated.”
“Did you get over it?”
“No.”He sighed, like he was tired.“You should probably go.”
And that was that.Like when your time runs out on an arcade game, and the screen goes dark, even though you were...not winning but getting somewhere.
He stood, and I followed him to the door.
“You won’t tell Trish?”I asked.
“No.It’s just between us.”
“Thanks.”I looked at him one last time, drinking him in.“I don’t know how I’m gonna figure this out without you.You’re amazing.I hope Trish appreciates how lucky she is.”
“Goodbye, Craig.”
“Bye.”
What else could I do?I left and went back to work.
