He knelt by my chair.“Hey.”
“I’m so fucked up.”
He touched my arm.“Hug?”
“I don’t deserve one.”
But he put his arms around me anyway.
“Why are you even here?”
“Craig, it fucking hurts to see you like this.”
“Then don’t look.”
“Not seeing you hurts worse,” he said, sounding really upset.
It hadn’t occurred to me that I might be hurting him too.I didn’t want to hurt him.So I put my arms around him, and we held each other, and I started to feel better.Not normal, but that thick, hard knot in my throat loosened, and it didn’t hurt as much.
“You have a gig tonight?”he said.
“No.”
“Why don’t we order delivery from that burger place you love and watch a movie?”
“Okay.”That sounded good.
He pulled back and kissed the tip of my fucked-up nose.Then he pushed my shoulder.“That’s my tapper.”
And I laughed.I hadn’t laughed for a long time, and my chest felt rusty.
He sat with me, and we ate lunch, and I could swallow properly for once.
Then I had to go back to work.He got up to leave.
As he was letting himself out, I said, “Hey.”
He stopped in the doorway.
“Thanks, honey kid.”
I’d always thought he was the best-looking guy I’d ever seen, but it was unreal how wonderful he looked just then when he smiled.
––––––––
Ileft work early,because I couldn’t wait to get home.He ordered the food, and we ate in front of the TV, like old times.
“Got you spumoni ice cream for dessert,” he said.
“That’s my favorite.Where did you get it?They don’t sell it at the grocery store.”
“There’s an Italian deli a mile away that does.”
“And you went and got some when you should have been reading lines?”I said.
He shrugged, likeain’t no thing.So I hugged him and kissed the side of his head.The first time I’d kissed him since...that night.Then I let him go, because I felt self-conscious.
“Sorry,” I said.I didn’t know why.
