I put my hand inside his boxers.“I’m getting lube all over you.Sorry.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“This is a huge deal, Eddie.”
“You’re gonna give yourself performance anxiety.Just do what I did for you.Slow.”
I slid my hand between his buttocks.I felt like I should apologize.I’d never touched anyone there before.
“All right,” he said.“Now move your finger in till I tell you to stop.”
So I did, until I couldn’t move it any further.
“What do I do now?”My hand was shaking.
“Stroke me.”
I did.I remembered my first time with my girlfriend.She’d told me what to do, and I did it and kept thinking I was fucking it up until she came.Then I’d apologized, because I was a dork.
“Keep doing that,” he said.
After a few times, I felt my finger slip inside him.
“Sorry.I didn’t mean to.”
“It’s okay.Stay there.”He didn’t sound angry, just distracted.“Try putting another finger in.Slow.”
So I did.He was a lot tighter with two fingers.
After a minute, he said, “Try another one.Slowly.”
I tried, but he was way too tight.This was more nerve racking than hot.
“What’s wrong?”I said.
“Give me a minute.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Just wait.”
“Was it like this with Tommy?”I kicked myself for mentioning his ex in the middle of us doing it.
“No,” he said.“’Cause I was drunk, and I went too fast, and I hurt him.”
“Oh.”
“That’s why I don’t drink anymore.”
“Oh.”
“Now you know.”
Now I knew.“Try again?”I said.
“Sure.”
I slowly worked another finger inside him, which I could barely do.After a few minutes watching him breathe, I said, “Is there anything I can do to help you relax?I could play music.”
