“Nikki’s got to have other women fight her battles for her, too?” Alek asked. “God, that has to be embarrassing for her. I’d probably be staring down at the ground, too.”
“Walk away right now unless each of you wants a new asshole,” Amber spat.
All it did was elicit another round of howling laughter.
“Come on.” Rick gestured with his head. “We’ve got to get going. We’ll leave the ladies to whatever they’re doing. Probably food-shopping or something like that.”
“Real original,” Amber called, her voice oozing sarcasm. “Next time you decide to be an asshole, at least try to come up with something creative. Your insults are getting boring.”
The men didn’t acknowledge the comment. They walked around them, talking to themselves again as if Nikki and Amber weren’t even there.
Amber stayed in front of Nikki until the group had vanished down the street. She exhaled, bristling, then turned back to Nikki.
“Assholes,” she muttered. When she saw Nikki’s face, her features softened. “Don’t take what they said personally. They don’t know what they’re talking about. They’ve got their heads so far up their asses, it’s insane.”
“They’re right, though,” Nikki finally said, unable to conceal her frustration. “They were right. I couldn’t defend myself. Jasper had to come to my rescue. And look at what just happened now?” She gestured in the direction the men had vanished. “I couldn’t say a single thing. I just froze up. You’re the one who managed to get them to leave.”
Amber sighed. Her hand went to Nikki’s shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. “Nikki, it’s okay. And you don’t need to listen to anything they had to say.”
Gnawing the inside of her cheek, Nikki didn’t say anything, too much shame and frustration welling up inside her.Why couldn’t she just stand up for herself? All her life, she’d been little more than a doormat. Even though she knew it, even when she didn’t want it to be the case, she still couldn’t bring herself to actually stand up for herself. As if able to sense her continued frustration, Amber nudged Nikki.
“Come on,” Amber said. She slipped her arm around Nikki’s, looping their elbows together. “Let’s go to Lacey’s Chocolates. I could go for some treats, what about you?”
She guided Nikki down the road and into the gourmet chocolate shop, where they spent the next fifteen minutes combing over the selection of delicacies on the shelves. Amber refused to let Nikki leave until she had a tall stack of boxes, each filled with different goodies like truffles, chocolate-covered fruits, and bonbons. By the time Nikki finally managed to extract Amber from the store, their wallets were significantly lighter, and she was even able to smile.
The grin didn’t last, however. After a little bit of time, the laughter and jeers crept back into her head, clanging and ringing over and over. Her fingers tightened around the paper bag currently weighed down with chocolate, the taste of the truffle in her mouth turning bitter by the time they got to the library.
That stupid encounter stuck with her all day. She kept replaying it in her head over and over again. As the day continued, she began drawing into herself even more. Why couldn’t she defend herself? Why couldn’t she tell those jerks to get lost like Amber had? It was as though the second they had started jeering at her and making fun of her, she’d curled into herself. She wasn’t a pathetic, helpless weakling, but it felt as though she was incapable of ever standing up for herself.
Those thoughts echoed around her as she returned books and took care of patrons, all with a smile on her face despite thefact that those words kept eating at her, chewing at her insides. She gritted her teeth. The truth was that all of the strength she had been starting to feel inside her had evaporated. It had disappeared the second Lucas had attacked her.
She willed herself not to think too hard about it. She managed to keep the thoughts at bay as well as she could, but they still loomed around the corners of her mind for the entire rest of the day, pushing down on her.
It wasn’t until later that her defenses began to crumble, and as much as she tried to hold them back, she couldn’t keep those fears and anxieties at bay any longer.
What if I’m never good enough?she wondered.What if I’m never able to protect myself?
That thought stung worse than what the men had said to her, because not only did she worry it was true, but it had come from herself.
She had hoped it would go away by the time she got home. Jasper was going to be late, so Amber had walked home with her. Now that Nikki was alone, though, her thoughts loomed over her, swelling and growing tenfold. She ran her fingers through her hair, taking deep breaths, willing herself not to scream.
Instead of giving herself time to dwell on her thoughts, she went into the kitchen. She might as well make dinner, considering that was one of the few things she was good at. She dug the ingredients from the fridge and began prepping, willing herself through each task.
It was sometime later when she heard the front door open and Jasper’s footsteps as he stepped into the house. She heard the soft rustle of fabric and light thump as he threw his jacket onto the couch the way he always did. He stepped into the room.As always, she noticed some of the tension leave his shoulders when he saw her, as if he was never going to be fully at ease until he saw her and knew she was okay.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hi.” She turned back to the stove and kept stirring the mixture of chicken and vegetables. The delectable smell of stir-fry wafted through the kitchen, and that heavenly sound of sizzling meat nearly drowning out her voice.
A moment later, she felt him appear at her side. She turned to look at him, and he frowned, taking in Nikki’s tight jaw and glare.
“What happened?” he asked.
“What makes you think something did?”
“Besides that evasive response? Your expression, the fact that you’re quieter than normal. And you’re doing that thing where you rub the back of your neck, which is usually what you do when something’s upset you.”
Her hand slid away from her neck, heat flooding her face.
