“Why not?”
“You forced me into a marriage against my will,” she said. “That creates some conflicting feelings.”
Jasper winced. “I did,” he admitted. He ran his fingers through his hair, mussing it further, making it look windswept and, to Nikki, even more attractive. His face was set and determined. He turned to look at her. “But everything I’ve done has been to protect you. I need you to know that.”
Huffing, she flopped back, trying to figure out how to form the words. “I think you do believe that,” she muttered.
He twisted until he was looking fully at her. His hand stretched out, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. His fingers lingered, thumb tracing her cheekbone. She tried not to shiver at the caress, tried to ignore the way her body responded to the simple touch. Her eyes closed briefly as she instinctively leaned into it. When she opened her eyes again, a fresh jolt of need and longing shot through her at the look on his face, a blend of concern and affection and intense lust.
“I don’t know what it is about you,” he said. “But I can’t stand the thought of anything bad happening to you. It’s why I’m so reactive. The only reason I didn’t tear Vincent to shreds for what he did to you was because I wanted to make sure you were safe and out of harm’s way.”
The words warmed her despite her best efforts to resist him. During their conversation earlier, some barrier had been broken, and she’d been tired of restraining herself for so long.
“It still messed me up, though,” she admitted. “I don’t like feeling like I’m being controlled.”
He closed his eyes, rubbing his face. “I know,” he said. “But it’s partly for my own sanity. If I know you’re safe, I can actually focus on other things. If there’s even a shred of a chance you’re in danger, I can’t think of anything else. So, as selfish as it is, it helps me.”
Nikki didn’t know how to respond to that. She was so used to men controlling her because they saw her as an object, something they could possess, that it didn’t make sense to her that someone might be acting a similar way because they cared about her as a person. It felt foreign that anyone would think of her that way.
But now, she could believe it of Jasper.
That didn’t make any of what he had done better. She hadn’t fully forgiven him for marrying her against her will, but she could at least believe that he hadn’t done it out of a desire to control her.
“I know,” she said. “But you have to understand that it’s going to take a while for me to fully trust you.”
“I get it,” Jasper replied. “As long as you know I don’t regret doing it, if it meant keeping you safe.”
Nikki nodded, unsure how else to respond.
Jasper hesitated, glancing around the room. His jaw twitched, and she could see the gears turning in his mind. She wished she could uncover his thoughts so she could make sense of them. She wanted to understand him, because she knew it would give her the context she needed to accept the decisions he’d made. She could understand what it was like to grow up with difficult parents.
After a moment, he sighed. “You’re not going to be happy with this,” he began.
“Probably not, if you’re starting the conversation like that,” she said, flashing a teasing grin that Jasper reciprocated. “Go on. You’re going to say it eventually.”
He took a breath, his smirk melting into a frown. It looked like he was trying to figure out the best way to say whatever unpleasant thing he needed to get out.
“I think it’s best that you don’t leave the house alone,” he said. “The house is fine. It’s alarmed and about as safe as you can get. But after what happened with Vincent, I don’t like the idea of you being alone with anyone we don’t trust. People who aren’t Amber or Franco.” He grimaced. “Maybe not Cillian, though. He’s too much of a flirt.”
Nikki didn’t answer at first. She bit her lip, not saying anything. Her initial reaction was frustration. She liked her privacy and independence, and anything that sapped her of those things, she immediately wanted to fight against. That, and there was that spark of concern again. That fear Jasper was isolating her because he thought she couldn’t handle herself.
Staring at Jasper, she could see the worry there, both about her safety and about her reaction to what he’d said. He wasn’t saying it because he didn’t think she could handle herself. He was saying it because it was the only way he would be comfortable leaving her side, knowing she would be safe.
For a brief moment, she was back in the woods, Vincent dragging her over the ridge. Then later, him yanking her to her feet to haul her out of her hiding spot. Phantom fingers wrapped tight around her bruises.
She repressed a shudder, but only barely.
“Not a bodyguard, exactly,” Jasper said when she remained quiet. “Just having someone near you, just so that you can’t be caught alone again.”
Her eyes fluttered shut. More than anything, she wanted control back over her life. She wanted to be able to do whatever she felt like again. She wanted to feel safe going on a hike with a friend. But that wasn’t going to happen right now. It wouldn’t happen until Lucas was caught.
“All right,” she said.
Jasper blinked. “Really?” he asked. “I’m happy, but I expected more pushback to be entirely honest.”
She had expected it from herself, too. But the second she said it, she realized she meant it.
“You don’t want me hurt,” she said. “I get that it’s coming from a place of caring. And if this is the way to give you peace of mind so you don’t have to worry about me and can focus on getting Lucas, then I’ll take it.”
