“You forced me to marry you,” she said. “People don’t do that if they don’t want to control them. You’re just as bad as the father you claim to hate.”
A snarl escaped his throat. Nikki blinked, as if surprised, but she didn’t back down.
“You’re the one who keeps waltzing off into danger,” he snapped.
Her eyes flashed. “Excuse me?”
“You’re the one who insists on not being careful. One of us has to do something to help you, or Lucas would have snatched you up weeks ago.”
“That’s absurd, and you know it,” Nikki said.
“Do you realize how much I care about you?” he snapped. “Why do you think I’ve done all this?”
“You care about me the same way Lucas does,” she spat. “You care about controlling me, not about me as a person.”
He could see the moment in her eyes that she realized she had gone too far. They flashed with shock and alarm and what might have been guilt, but only for a moment. Then they hardened.
“Is that what you really think?” he asked, his voice dangerously even.
She jutted out her chin, defiant, those beautiful eyes blazing with determination. “You want to control me,” she said. “You’ve made that perfectly clear. And I still haven’t forgiven you for forcing me to marry you in the first place. You might claim you did it with good intentions. You might even believe that. But that doesn’t excuse any of what you’ve done. You’re just as manipulative as all the other men I’ve known.”
He let the words wash over him. The more they sank in, the more that anger lurking beneath the surface began to swell, growing to the point it felt nearly unbearable.
“Fine,” he snapped. “If that’s the way you feel. But I’m not going to stand here and take it, either. I’m leaving.”
“Great,” Nikki scoffed, her arms still folded.
Without another word, not trusting what might come out of his mouth in that moment, he spun on his heels and stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him.
Chapter 18 - Nikki
Nikki stared at the floor, her hands trembling, tears beginning to sting her eyes. She sucked in a breath, willing herself to move. Her legs refused to cooperate. Her throat felt raw, and all she wanted to do was scream. But no sounds seemed to come.
She kept running back through the conversation, guilt needling her, poking at her. She probably shouldn’t have said some of the things that spilled out of her mouth. At the moment, though, it was hard to care. Still, Jasper’s expression, equal parts furious and hurt, kept swimming in front of her eyes, and that guilt continued sinking further into her.
It took her a while to come out of that dark place. When she finally realized she could move again, she walked over to the couch and sat down, replaying the scene over in her head, trying to make sense of it all. That anger still colored everything, and she wasn’t entirely sure it would ever go away.
She had finally started to trust him. She had finally started seeing him in a different light. She’d even begun to see herself growing comfortable in a life with Jasper, once everything blew over. But those images had flown out the window. Now, she felt hollow, stuck. It didn’t matter what happened next; she wasn’t getting a say in it.
Collapsing on the couch, she stared up at the ceiling. She gritted her teeth, trying to steady her breath while her fingers curled tight into fists. She kept replaying the fight in her mind, feeling guilt, frustration, and hurt.
She hadn’t meant what she’d said—not all of it, at least. She was still furious that he hadn’t bothered to tell her anything. But she didn’t think he was as bad as Lucas or his father. But shehad been so angry, and all she’d wanted was to say something that would hit home, that would pierce through that stubborn wall Jasper insisted on building.
Groaning, she let out a low, deep breath. She was tired. Tired of all of it. She was tired of Lucas, of Jasper, of constantly having to look over her shoulder, of having to have someone near her at all times. She was tired of feeling controlled. She just wanted to be able to live a normal life.
Have I ever had a normal life, though?she mused.
All her life, she’d never really had agency. The handful of months she’d had it had been yanked away by Jasper and Lucas. She’d thought that maybe she had been recovering some of it, that she and Jasper would come to some understanding after Lucas was dealt with. Now, however, she was starting to doubt that it would ever be an option. Even if he didn’t mean to control her, Jasper would insist on keeping her safe.
As she lay there, she came to a conclusion: she was done. She wasn’t going to stay here any longer. For the first time, she was going to take a modicum of control back and make a decision. She was going to leave.
Still trying to keep herself under control, she moved up the stairs and into her room. She sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the dresser. Her hands trembled a little, and she fantasized about running away. What would that look like? Where would she go? She could go anywhere. Out of the country, to a new pack.
Her mind wandered down this path as she opened the bedroom door and walked to the closet. She considered the suitcase on the top shelf, the one she had used to carry her belongings here in the first place. She pulled it down and carried it over to the bed.
Opening it, she stared into its empty cavity. She imagined it filled with clothes again. She imagined carrying it out of the house, hurrying to leave before Jasper got back. She imagined texting Amber, asking to borrow her car. She pictured herself driving away, getting as far away as possible before Jasper realized something was wrong. She could be free. No Lucas, no guard escorting her wherever she went, no feeling stuck, no feeling like she had lost all agency and all privacy.
And no Jasper,a voice said.
