“I am not quite as weak as everyone seems to believe,” Georgiana replied.
The Countess felt as if she had somehow put a foot wrong, but she recovered herself quickly. “That has been made abundantly clear, Georgiana.”
Caroline was seated across from Georgiana, and she added her congratulations. “You are so very gifted, Miss Darcy, that I am certain Her Majesty could not help but be delighted.” She had devoutly hoped that she might be invited along to play a duet for the Queen, but she knew this to be pure fantasy on her part.
“Thank you, Miss Bingley. I believe you to be very gifted as well; it is a shame Her Majesty is unlikely to hear you.” Georgiana’s response was kind, but cool.
“You are, you know.” Caroline turned in astonishment at Colonel Fitzwilliam’s quiet statement.
“I do not believe you have heard me play, Colonel.”
“Quite wrong; you entertained the company briefly at the double wedding of your brother to Mrs. Bingley and Darcy to Elizabeth.”
Caroline thought back; she had been extremely unhappy at that particular event, and she might very well have taken her feelings to the instrument. “I cannot imagine that it was a happy tune,” she confessed.
The Colonel chuckled. “No, it was some sort of dirge.”
Caroline blushed painfully. Had she really played a dirge at her brother’s wedding? For shame, Caroline!
“I see that you regret it now,” the Colonel said, softly.
“I do; I am rather ashamed of it.”
“I am surprised to hear you say so.”
“I am surprised as well.”
“Have you reconciled yourself to these two marriages?”
She was silent.
The Colonel went on. “It was no secret that you thought your brother erred in marrying Jane Bennet; you thought her family beneath your own, though she comes from two hundred years of estate ownership and you come from trade. It was also no secret that you hoped to have my cousin for yourself.” He spoke very quietly; no one else could hear his words.
Caroline took a deep breath. “I was wrong about Jane Bennet. You are right; her social status was and is higher than my own. She is my brother’s perfect match in every way, and she is kinder to me than I deserve. As for your cousin and Elizabeth, I cannot be blamed for having hoped to become the mistress of Pemberley.”
“But that was the problem; do you not see it?”
Caroline shook her head in confusion.
“You wished to be the mistress of Pemberley; you did not wish to be Mrs. Darcy.”
Caroline bowed her head. This was an irrefutable fact.
The Colonel was not done. “You do not read books, you do not like the outdoors, you hate country life, you do not – well, you do not match his preferences in any way. How could you have imagined spending hours and hours with a man that you did not understand and did not really even like?”
Caroline did not raise her head. It was true, it was all true. She thought reading a book a great waste of time; being out of doors would ruin her very delicate white skin; and living out in Derbyshire – heavens, she would have run mad in a month!
“Am I wrong?” he asked.
She looked at him now. “No, you are right in every particular. Is that why you do not like me? Because I disapproved of Jane Bennet and because I wished to be the mistress of Pemberley?”
Now it was Richard’s turn to be silent. Finally, he said, “I suppose so. You seemed to be lacking in any true understanding of the people around you, and you always seemed desperate in some way. Yes, there was this aura of desperation coupled with an aggravated sense of self-worth…but I begin to understand that your sense of self-worth is actually quite low, and that is what caused you to project your illusion of high status, as well as that feeling of desperation.”
Caroline could bear no more. She could not leave the dinner table without causing a scene, so she turned from the Colonel without another word and spoke to Mr. Gardiner. “Mr. Gardiner, I believe you are the owner of the Gardiner Emporium; is that not right?”
Mr. Gardiner, surprised at being addressed by the oh-so-superior Miss Bingley, quickly swallowed his mouthful of wine and replied, “I am, yes.”
“My dressmaker buys her fabrics from you.” Miss Bingley actually beamed at him.
