“It is the least I can do for my sisters,” Jane said.
***
Dinner was served not long after, and Mr. Collins continued his earlier line of conversation, that being every possible detail about his situation in life. If his design was to impress his hearers, he succeeded with most of them. While Mrs. Bennet and Mary were, indeed, impressed by how fortunate their cousin had been in obtaining such a position as rector to one Lady Catherine de Bourgh, Mr. Bennet, Elizabeth and Jane were impressed only by the absurdity of such a monologue. Only Kitty and Lydia remained unimpressed, as they heard not a word of it.
After dinner, the ladies retreated to the parlour, leaving Mr. Bennet and Mr. Collins alone. Mr. Collins wasted no time. “Miss Bennet is an exceedingly lovely young lady,” he said, effusively. “Her manner! The tone of her voice! Any man would wish for such a companion in his life!”
Mr. Bennet replied, dryly, “Indeed; her fiancé, Mr. Bingley, would agree with you in every particular.”
Mr. Collins’ mouth fell open. “She is engaged?”
“She is, to a young man of fortune.”
“I was not told!”
“Truly, Mr. Collins, did you expect to be made privy to all my family’s concerns in the space of two hours?”
“I suppose not,” he answered grudgingly, though he looked much aggrieved. “Very well; Miss Elizabeth, next to her in both age and beauty, would do very well for me.”
Lizzy? Married to this clod? Impossible! How could Mr. Bennet turn his attention away from her? “She would be a poor choice for you, Mr. Collins.”
“Would she? But why?”
“She is quite outspoken,” Mr. Bennet said. “She would not be as courteous to your Lady Catherine as that lady undoubtedly expects and merits.”
“I would teach her better manners.”
“She is unteachable.”
“By a father, perhaps; but with a husband, she is likely to learn.”
The conversation continued for another quarter of an hour before Mr. Bennet gave it up. Mr. Collins had decided that Elizabeth would be the companion of his future life and eventual mistress of Longbourn. Seeing that his guest was too determined to be moved by any form of reason, Mr. Bennet said, “Let us rejoin the ladies, Mr. Collins.”
Upon entering the parlour, Mr. Collins made a beeline for Elizabeth, stepping on her toes in the process of sitting beside her. “Oh! I am so sorry, Cousin Elizabeth!”
“Think nothing of it, Mr. Collins,” Elizabeth managed to say, though her eyes were shut in pain.
“I would not injure you for the world,” he went on. “For beauty such as yours should never be marred by a wrinkled brow.”
At that, Elizabeth’s eyes opened wide; she stared at Mr. Collins and then looked at her father, silently pleading for help. He responded at once. “Lizzy, might you entertain us?”
Gratefully, Elizabeth limped to the pianoforte and began to play. Mary slid into the seat Elizabeth had vacated, and tried to converse with Mr. Collins, but to no avail. He would not so much as look at her.
***
Dear Aunt,
Mr. Collins has arrived! I know I promised to report to you at once, and so here it is.
He is very disappointing, to say the least. He is unattractive, self-important, ill-mannered and clumsy. He does intend to marry one of us. He had settled on Jane immediately, but she is already engaged to Mr. Bingley; I know she wrote you of that yesterday. Jane is safe from Mr. Collins, happily, but the rest of us have not her good fortune, and Mr. Collins has now turned his eye tome.
Aunt, I would not marry him for all the world, but you know how Mama is. I may end up living at Gracechurch Street after all!
Mary has announced that she would be happy to accept him, so perhaps she will be the one to keep Longbourn in the family, if only Mr. Collins would turn his eye on her, rather than me!
Your rather troubled niece,
Lizzy
