“Your father and I have agreed that he cannot have any of you, except possibly Mary, but only if she was willing, which she was not. She says something about being sacrificed to a monster in order to keep the kingdom safe, or some such thing. I do not pretend to understand it. Your father is telling Mr. Collins that none of the Bennet girls will marry him.”
Jane and Elizabeth digested this news in silence. Finally, Elizabeth said, “I would have thought you would try to force one of us to do so.”
Mrs. Bennet replied, quietly, “I would have liked one of you to marry him, yes. If only he had been sensible! Or at least handsome!” She shook her head, clearly unhappy.
“Perhaps Charlotte Lucas?” Jane suggested. “I do not mean to suggest that she could not get a better husband, only that…” She trailed off, sensitive to the fact that Charlotte, a dear friend, was well on her way to being an old maid.
Elizabeth looked at her elder sister admiringly. “You are brilliant, Jane!”
***
“I do not have the pleasure of understanding you, sir,” Mr. Collins said, sitting up very straight and frowning mightily at his host.
“It is simple enough, Mr. Collins,” Mr. Bennet said, holding on to his temper with an effort. “I do understand that you wished to marry one of my daughters, but none of them wish to marry you.”
“That is not possible,” Mr. Collins declared. “Do they not understand that I am to inherit the estate?”
“They are not deficient in understanding, Mr. Collins.” Mr. Bennet bit out the words.
Mr. Collins continued to shake his head. “But I was willing to settle for Miss Elizabeth,” he said, plaintively.
Settle? Settle! Settle for Elizabeth? Mr. Bennet could scarce believe his ears. “Settlefor her? Do you have the slightest idea of how bright, how gifted…” Words failed him.
“You are an affectionate parent, I know, Mr. Bennet,” Mr. Collins said, his dignity now restored to him. “I believe, however, that I have the right of this. I insist on being permitted to offer myself to her, as I am certain of her acceptance.”
Mr. Bennet considered this. It would doubtless be a highly entertaining proposal, and Lizzy could be counted on to repeat it back to her father for their joint amusement. “If I allow you to speak with her and you are refused, will you then agree to leave the rest of my girls in peace?”
“Certainly.”
“Wait here, then.”
***
Elizabeth shook her head. “Papa, I can scarce believe this. He wishes to propose to me even though you have told him that I will not accept him?”
“He is insistent, Lizzy. But he has agreed that after that, he will leave all the Bennet girls in peace.”
Elizabeth said, “This is everything absurd; is my father’s word not enough to deter him?”
“Evidently not,” Mrs. Bennet put in. “But think of this, Lizzy; you can mention Charlote Lucas to him.”
***
Mr. Collins rose and bowed as Elizabeth entered the parlour. He took a deep breath and began, “Almost as soon as I entered thehouse I singled you out as the companion of my future life. But before I am run away with by my feelings on this subject…”
Elizabeth interrupted him. “Mr. Collins, in the interest of saving both of us time and very likely embarrassment, please allow me to tell you that I have no interest in marrying you. I do not think we would suit in any manner. But I have a friend, Charlotte Lucas, who I very much believe would be the perfect wife for you and the perfect companion to a clergyman.”
Mr. Collins shook his head and tried, doggedly, to continue. “My reasons for marrying are, first, that I think it a right thing for every clergyman in easy circumstances…”
But again, he was interrupted. “Do you not see, Mr. Collins, how little we would suit? I continually interrupt you to tell you that I do not wish to hear you out, and you, in equal measure, refuse to hear my words! Can you truly contemplate a lifetime of such interactions with equanimity?”
This seemed to take Mr. Collins aback. “Is this truly your nature, Miss Elizabeth?”
“To be contrary? And troublesome? Very definitely.”
He considered this, scratching his Adam’s apple as he did so. Finally, he said, “I would not like that in a wife, I am certain. You are right; we would not suit. Your two youngest sisters are too young; what of Miss Mary?”
“Allow me to introduce you to Miss Lucas, my friend, and then you might consider if you prefer her to my sister, Mary. After all, a gentleman such as yourself should have a choice, should he not?” Elizabeth knew that Mary would not have him, but if this strategy bore its expected result, it would not matter.
