She storms past us, tears streaming down her face, into the living room.
Mateo's phone buzzes again.
"Oh my fucking God," I say, glancing at it.
A text from Kyler pops up at the top of the screen.
The words blur together as I pick it up.
Jade. InASnap. Shitstorm.
I shove the phone into Mateo's chest and hop off the counter to my feet.
"I fucking told you," I say. "I should've never agreed to this, I fucking knew better. I knew it was a bad idea. What the fuck did we do?" Tears threaten to fall, but I blink them back. "This, us, it's fucking done."
Addie's door is ajar when I get upstairs. I take a deep breath and push it open.
"It was just sex," I say.
She spins around, curling her lip, and yeah I guess that wasn't the right thing to say.
"I mean, it was never anything more than that. Addie, I…" I don't know what to say. The words taste bitter, and worse, they don't seem like enough. It was never supposed to happen like this. She was never supposed to know. It was our secret, and now it's a mess. One I'm forced to clean up alone because Addie and I aren't siblings. She isn't stuck with me for the rest of our lives, like she is with Mateo.
But I know better than anyone that blood doesn't mean family. Is this what Charlie meant? Does she know? Was she talking about the mess I've found myself in? The tangled web I've spun?
Fuck. I messed up my chosen family for orgasms. I'm a horrible fucking person.
But it was more than orgasms, and that's why this hurts so bad. That's why this is such a disaster.
"You lied to me," Addie says. "You're supposed to be my best friend, and you fucking lied to me. I asked you if he was seeing anyone."
"We… I…we aren't seeing each other."
I'm still lying. Now just to her face.
"Yeah well, tell that to my fucking brother, because he clearly didn't adhere to your boundaries."
"I'm sorry," I say.
"You're sorry? Seriously? Not only are you fucking my brother, but you lied to me about it." She holds up her hand. "Don't even. Lies of omission are still fucking lies, Jade."
My chest crumples beneath the weight of what we've done.
What I've done.
So I do the only thing I can think of. I walk away.
Mateo is still in the kitchen when I come down. His face is hopeful, and he reaches out for me, but I skate past him and out the door.
Even breathing the same air as him feels like a lie right now.
Like betrayal.
She's never going to forgive me.
Silence is the worst. It forces you to be alone with your thoughts and emotions. It's not a friend to bounce things off of. It's not a lyric to make you feel less alone. It's emptiness, a penance for your sins.
The drive to pick up Cooper from school is a punishment of my own making.
