…
My heart leaps tomy throat.
Jade
Yes.
Fuck it.
I don't understand how this is so easy for her. Was it really only sex? It wasn't for me. Does she know that? She must and she doesn't care.
It's a knife to my gut, and I'm going to make it worse. It's better to tell her now, then let her find out on her own.
Since you're already pissed at me, might as well tell you I funded Coop's scholarship. But before you totally lose it, I funded another kid's scholarship too.
Jade
…
…
…
And mine?
No.
Chapter thirty-eight
Jade
Coop sits at the kitchen table doing his homework while I apply for jobs. I'm still seething from the bomb Mateo dropped on me a few days ago. The stubborn part of me wants to pull Coop from Prudell Academy, but what kind of mom would that make me?
The scholarship funding wasn't about me. It was about Coop, and I can't take that from him. I won't.
But I also can't bring myself to say thank you.
So that makes me a shitty person, I've been called worse.
Just the other day in fact. By Addie.
She still hasn't answered my call, but she's responding to texts. Albeit one-word answers, but it's progress.
I knew how intertwined our lives were with her family, but I don't think it registered until last night when we stayed home, on a Sunday. I splurged on pizza, but even that didn't lift mine or Coop's mood.
The internet is cruel, but kids are worse.
He's had to deal with his share of questions, which forced me to look up the photos that exploded our lives.
I don't even remember kissing Mateo that day we got ice cream. It almost makes it worse. At least if I remembered doing it, I could feel something besides anger. It feels like a lie. But there it was, in full color, my lips on his, his hand on my hip. I see it every time I close my eyes. The pixels are engraved on the back of my eyelids, a penance for my sins.
If that was the only picture that surfaced, we may have been able to sweep the whole thing under the rug, even claim the woman in the photo isn't me. But I'm not that lucky. Never have been.
Us walking hand in hand behind Coop. I don't remember that either. Was it all a fever dream? Is love a fever dream?
Love?
I know I shouldn't, but I pull up the first leaked photo. Again. Punishing myself has become a daily ritual.
