No, I'm not. I want to ask if this means she's my best friend again. If it means she forgives me. And if the results of these tests will change any of it, but I nod instead.
She dips two sticks in the cup and counts to ten, laying each back on its instruction sheet. Then she sets a timer. I do the next three, counting to ten, and follow her lead.
We're silent as the time ticks by. Addie picks at the ends of her hair, and I look everywhere but at the tests, studying my apartment as if I were a crime scene investigator.
"Do you know what your plan is if these are positive?" she asks, not looking at me. Because she doesn't want me to see her face, or because she doesn't want to see mine when I answer her.
I shake my head.
The first timer beeps.
We make eye contact, and I take Addie's outstretched hand. She squeezes mine, and together we look at the first test. Neither of us say a word as the next timer sounds.
And the next, and the next. Until the final one rings.
If there's a right way to feel right now, I'm not sure what it is. Am I supposed to be happy? Jumping up and down? Or sad and angry? Somebody tell me what the fuck to feel, because I think my emotions have lost the ability to self-regulate.
"What now?" Addie asks, and I turn to face her.
"Oh babe," she says, wrapping her arms around me in a hug and releasing when I don't reciprocate. "Hey, it's okay. You're allowed to not know. How far along do you think?"
I shrug. "Best guess? A few weeks."
"So you've got time to figure it out."
"Ads, I—"
She shakes her head. "Whatever happens now is your choice." She bites her bottom lip and scrunches her face. "But he deserves to know. And listen, I meant it. You guys were inevitable. Waffles, not pancakes."
"What the fuck does that even mean?"
"You guys fit together, highs and lows. You share the load because you're both so dimensional. Pancakes, the top pancake soaks up all the syrup, and it never really lets the bottom pancake thrive."
"Are you high?"
"Listen, it makes sense to me. Like when you hold hands?" She picks up my hand and threads her fingers through mine. "See? Waffles." Then she shifts her grasp to hold my hand in a clasping position. "Pancakes."
She releases my hand and stands. "I hate to leave you right now, but I've gotta get to class. Just listen to the podcast when I leave, okay? And tell him."
I walk her to the door.
"I love you, babe," she says as she turns the handle.
"Love you too," I tell her.
A burst of cold enters when she opens the door, and I'm quick to close it behind her, but she turns and stops it with her hand.
"Also, I'd be a kick-ass auntie," she says with a grin.
"You already are," I say. "To Coop."
She pulls me into a hug, and I hug her back. This time she doesn't let go until I do.
When Cooper gets home from school, I dig Mateo's gifts out of my closet. It feels like the right time. He pulls at the ribbon.
"Do you think he wrapped these himself?" he asks. "They're nice."
"Knowing Charlie, yes," I say, pulling the ribbon off my own package.
