Pop.
I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I was retiring anyway. It wasn't the way I wanted to go out, but it could have been worse. I could have gone out a washed-up old man. But believe it or not, I was still one of the best, even being the oldest. Did I push it a little too far? Maybe. I can admit that. I ignored the aches and pains from squatting for thirty years. They'd become part of me, like my mitt.
I can accept the fact I built the wall keeping me from real relationships. Nobody else is to blame for that. I did it. I alienated myself from friends and possible girlfriends to focus on my career. Addie too.I think. But that's one I can get back.I hope. And Kyler, I should FaceTime him later, really check in. Friendship is like a relationship; it's not always fifty-fifty. Sometimes it's seventy-thirty, and it only takes one of you to step up.
The wall is crumbling, but it still refuses to fall for love. I could be happy being the fun uncle. The uncle who plays games and builds booby traps. I'm damn good at it.
The key word though, is could. Icouldbe happy alone, but I don't want to be. When I really let myself think about it, it's not the wall that stopped love, it's that no woman ever took a sledgehammer to it. They didn't want the heart. They wanted the superficial shit that came with it. My body, my fame, my connections, and my money. They didn't want me.
This tattoo is the first step back to myself, and it truly is the perfect piece.
Emily catches my eye, and I remove an earbud.
"You can stretch for a beat," she says. "Need a water or anything? We've got about three hours left."
"I need to stand for a minute, but I'm good." It feels good to get up and relieve some of the stiffness in my leg. I stretch a bit and check the time. Holy shit, we've been at this about four hours already. Guess time flies when you're fighting demons.
"The kid really likes you. Hasn't shut up about you," Emily says, taking a hit of her vape.
"He's a good kid. I like hanging out with him."
"Jade on the other hand, she's going to kill you, and me honestly. But she loves me, so I have a better chance of survival."
"I don't know what I did to make her dislike me so much," I say, sitting in the chair and propping my arm up the way she had it.
Em quirks her pierced brow. "Easy," she says. "You have a dick."
My face must say it all because she laughs.
"If I'd known you were you, I probably wouldn't have agreed to this." She shrugs. "Okay I probably still would've, because this piece is bad fucking ass."
"You're talented," I say. "I was admiring some of your flash out there."
She twists her lips. "Most of those are Jade's."
"Seriously?"
Em nods.
"Why doesn't she do this?" I ask, gesturing to the tattoo gun in her hand.
"That's a question you'll have to ask her."
"Sure, I'll just hand her the knife to stab me with."
"She's got shields for good reason, but they aren't impenetrable. I just don't think anyone's ever tried hard enough to get around them."
She presses the needle to my skin again, but it's not pain I feel; it's tranquility.
Em finishes my tattoo in silence, leaving her words to rattle around in my brain. Jade seems like a woman who could handle a sledgehammer, albeit to me and not the walls. But I think I'd like to find out. Would it really be that bad? I don't think she actually hates me, but she wants to. There's a difference, right?
Jade's jaw is tight as I hand her my card to pay.
"Of course you did," she says.
"'Did what?" I ask.
She rolls her eyes but doesn't answer.
