Someday Ads, someday
Addie
Surprise me, but no fish.
The cafe is buzzing with life, and it takes ten minutes waiting in line to get a sandwich. I watch an older man abandon the armchair he was in, and swoop in to take it. The sandwich is delicious—turkey with thin apple slices and Gorgonzola cheese. Something I doubt I would've ordered before meeting Addie. Her family is crazy adventurous with food thanks to Charlie. It kills me that I can't get her to eat sushi.
The tip of my pencil hovers over the paper. In the corner, at a small bistro table, a couple argues quietly. Their body language gives them away. He's leaning back in his chair, pulling away from her. She on the other hand, leans in. He shifts his hand to the table, reaching for his phone, but she misinterprets it and reaches for his hand. The exchange is sad even before the woman standsand tells him to fuck off, loud enough to make heads turn in their direction. The bell above the door chimes as she leaves.
Fuck love. Fuck the pain that comes with it. If you don't fall, you can't get hurt. If you don't open your heart, it can't break. It takes two people to fall in love, but only one to throw it away.
I didn't love James. I know that now. It felt like love at the time, but I think it was a lie I told myself. One to justify the way he treated me. That's as close as I've ever been, as close as I'll ever be.
Because I don't want whatever the fuck that was. I'll pass, thanks.
Especially not with Mateo.
We're just friends. He's my boss, and worse, he's Addie's brother. It would all be way too complicated. Besides, I'm a storm cloud, and he's the sun. We can't co-exist.
I finish my sandwich and people watch. Knowing if I wait long enough, the right muse will show themselves. They always do.
I'm digging my headphones out of my bag when I see them. She's biting her lip, considering the menu, he has his hand on the small of her back and shakes his head imperceptibly, a small smile on his lips.
He says something, and even though I can't see her face, I imagine she's rolling her eyes at him. She finally orders. I can't hear what she says while they wait, but the adoration in his eyes when he looks at her never goes away.
It's familiar.
It's one I've seen aimed in my direction.
Fuck this. Heat flushes my body, and I quickly gather my trash, tossing it on my way out the door.
The December air fills my lungs, and when I exhale, my breath is a cloud of white. I take off the hoodie I threw on after my interview, letting the cold prickle my skin.
Life no longer feels good.
In the car I turn on my 'Fuck this shit' playlist. Then I drive without a destination, only stopping to put my hoodie back on. Shivers ripple through me, but my skin feels hot.
Laughter bubbles out of me, relieved.
It's not love, it's a fucking fever.
Chapter thirty-three
Mateo
Ilove her.
It's the only explanation.
The only reason I can fathom that would make me feel so incredibly empty when she's not around. Why I need to be needed, by her.
If that makes what I'm about to do selfish, then so be it.
She's going to be so fucking pissed, but I knock anyway.
Silence on the other side of the door.
I knock again, hating that I'm likely waking her.
