“Well… that’s what I have. I have cancer.”
Lucas’s jaw dropped.
Behind him, I heard Geeta gasp before her hand flew to her mouth. A second later, she started to cry.
I looked back at Lucas.
He was nine.
Old enough to understand and feel this deeply.
“I have stage four liver cancer,” I said.
“Does that mean you are going to die?” he asked.
The question hit harder than anything else that had been said that day.
I forced a small smile.“Not tomorrow,” I said. “But eventually… yes.”
His face crumpled.“Is this happening because of me? Because I got angry that you didn’t take me to the park yesterday?”
My heart broke instantly.
“No, not at all, son,” I said, pushing my chair back and kneeling beside him.I placed my hands on his shoulders, making sure he was looking at me.“This is not because of you,” I said firmly. “I don’t want you to ever think like that.”I squeezed him gently, trying to give him something to hold onto.
Tears filled his eyes.“But I don’t want you to die,” he said, his voice breaking. “I don’t want you to leave us.”He sniffled and wiped his nose with the back of his hand.“Can’t medicines help you?”
I swallowed hard.
“Unfortunately… not right now,” I said quietly. “Because the cancer has spread to other organs.”
“It’s not fair!” he cried. “I don’t want you to go. I don’t want us to be alone again.”
His words cut deep.
“I know, Lucas. I know it’s not fair. I wish that life was fair, but it’s not.”I hesitated, my throat tightening.“I’m really sorry.”
As I looked at him, I realized with a painful clarity that this was the third time a father figure was being taken away from him.
The third time.
Someone he had trusted.
Someone he had loved.
Someone he had finally calledDad.
He was devastated… hurt… angry.
And he had every right to be.
I wished I could take that pain away from him.I wished I could take all of this away.I wished I had never spent those years drinking myself into oblivion, never pushed my body to the point where it had silently begun to fail me.I wished I could go back and change everything.
But I couldn’t.
Nothing I did now could undo the damage.
Nothing could change what was coming.
