I knew there might not be many more moments like this.
I followed her rhythm, losing myself in her, in us. The world beyond that room disappeared, leaving only the two of us wrapped in something that felt both fragile and infinite. In thatspace between hope and sorrow, we found something that felt like peace.
Afterwards, I held her in my arms, my fingers absentmindedly stroking through her hair as she rested against me.
“I love you,” I whispered. “I hope you always remember that… even after I’m gone.”
She looked up at me, her eyes glistening.
“I’m sorry,” I said, guilt hitting me instantly. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I know you didn’t,” she replied, her voice thick with emotion. “I want us to enjoy tonight. Enjoy this moment. Enjoy us.”
Her words settled into me, and I wished I could do that as easily as she could.
“I’m scared, Jiya.”
It was the first time I had said it out loud.
Not just thought it.
Not just buried it somewhere deep inside.
Actually said it.
She stilled slightly in my arms.
“I’m scared too,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “But I’m right here with you. I’ll be right there with you every second, every minute of every day. I’m not going to leave your side. I promise.”
I leaned down and kissed her, holding onto that promise, wanting to believe it, needing to believe it.
But even as I did, the guilt lingered.
I was going to leave her.
There was no escaping that truth.
The only thing I could do now was make sure that when I did… she would be okay.
That she would never have to worry.
That she would be taken care of.
I had already started thinking about it—her future, the children, everything she would need when I was no longer there.
I would make sure she never struggled, at least not in the ways I could control.
“People are going to wonder about my two wedding bands, you know?” I said lightly, trying to ease the tension between us.
She smiled, leaning in to kiss the tip of my nose.“We’ll make this the start of a new trend.”
I let out a soft chuckle, but as I looked at her, my chest tightened again.
I was afraid for her.
Afraid of what my absence would do.
I didn’t want her to end up like I had been—lost, broken, trying to drown pain in things that only made it worse.
