“Shall we get started?” Dr. Jean asked.
I nodded.
“You can ask as many questions as you like,” she continued. “We have a lot of help here for first pregnancies, the do’sand don’ts, and I can also give you some pamphlets. We also have two wonderful ladies who are RNs who specialize in helping women through their pregnancies and transitioning into parenthood.”
I nodded while biting my lip.
I wished someone were there with me.
I wished my mother were there.
She would have taken care of me and cooked my favourite meals. She would have shared advice about pregnancy cravings and held my hand during moments like this.
Closing my eyes briefly, I imagined Caleb standing beside me.
If I had not caught him with Caroline, he would probably have been overjoyed about this pregnancy. I imagined him standing beside me eagerly, watching the ultrasound of our daughter. We would have held hands as we watched the life we created together moving on the screen.
He would have taken care of me.
He would have protected me.
He would have made sure that nothing and no one could harm me.
I had imagined all of this and so much more.
Swallowing hard, I forced myself to focus again and listened carefully as the doctor continued giving her advice.
“We also hold free Lamaze classes here at the hospital on the second floor next to the nursery, but you won’t need that for another two months,” she explained.
Taking care of a baby was not what frightened me. I had already done that with Lucas. What terrified me was the labour.
I was alone in this.
Even though I had Lucas and Oreo, the thought of facing childbirth without a partner beside me made my heart sink.
After the ultrasound, Dr. Jean handed me printouts of the sonogram and asked me to complete several tests. She wanted to check the fundal height, my vitals, and conduct a triple screen test to ensure the baby had no abnormalities.
I silently prayed that everything would come back normal.
Thankfully, all the results were fine.
With the reports in my hand, the doctor explained the schedule of future visits and when I needed to come back. I stopped by the pharmacy afterward to pick up prenatal vitamins as she recommended.
On the way home, I also bought a few pregnancy books from the bookstore along with some colouring books for Lucas.
That night, I sat quietly staring at the sonogram in my hands. I held the small image close to my heart. Then I reached under my pillow and took out the picture of Caleb. Holding the sonogram beside his photo, I imagined him sitting there with me.
“A baby girl,” I whispered. “Your baby girl.”Emma.
With tears slowly rolling down my cheeks onto my pillow, I drifted into a peaceful sleep.
9
JIYA
Delia called me the next morning. The design proposals and quotes were ready, and a meeting was scheduled for noon.
I got ready and walked out of my house. As I locked the door behind me and turned around, I froze.
