“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said, lowering my eyes because I could not bear for him to see everything I was feeling.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Then he pulled me into an embrace.
It was a warm, comforting, friendly hug, and yet it reached somewhere deeper inside me.
It had been so long since I had been held like that, so long since I had felt the simple comfort of being gathered into someone’s arms.
For a moment, I let myself lean into it.
“I’m sorry I brought it up.” He kissed the top of my head and then looked down at me. “I’m here for you, and I always will be.”
He held my gaze.
My pulse raced wildly. My heart hammered hard against my chest. The same feeling rushed through me that I had felt when he cupped my face at the hospital entrance.
Seconds passed.
I needed to stop this inexplicable feeling.
This guilty feeling twisted around something new, like two threads pulling in opposite directions.
I cleared my throat and pulled away from him abruptly.“I’m tired,” I lied. “I’m gonna go to sleep.”
After he left, I waited for Geeta to return from walking Oreo.
A few minutes later, she unlocked the front door and came in.
“You forgot to lock the door again,” I said sharply. I was upset, more upset than the situation probably called for, but I could not help it. I knew I did not have to worry about Jeremy anymore, but the thought of the door being unlocked, even for ten minutes or less, sent fear crawling up my spine like a cold shadow.
Yes, it was a safe neighbourhood.
Yes, I knew everyone.
Still, my past had left me constantly on edge.
“Sorry,Didi,” Geeta said.
“Please be careful. I don’t want a stranger entering the house. It’s dangerous.”
“Sorry,Didi,” she said again. Then she added gently, “ButDidi, when was the last time you heard about someone breaking and entering in this neighbourhood?”
“Hmmm,” I said. “Still lock the door, please.”
I walked upstairs to my bedroom, knowing what Geeta said was true. Everyone knew everybody in this village. The crime rate was almost nonexistent. I needed to relax and let go of my fear.Or rather, I needed to learn how to do that.
When I reached my bedroom, my thoughts shifted right back to Cole. The moment we had shared earlier came rushing back in vivid detail.
Not wanting to overthink it, I tried to shrug it off, but his words stuck with me.
I’m here for you, and I always will be.
I had once been desperate to hear those exact words from someone else. Hearing them now should have comforted me completely, but instead, they stirred old pain. The person whohad once said them to me was no longer there, and that absence hurt more than the words had soothed me in this moment.
I did not want to have anyone in my life again.
I did not want to depend on anyone again.
