“Sorry about that, I didn’t know we had company already,” Priest says as he comes back out in actual clothes. He walks over and kisses me softly. “Hey Roger. I heard happy screaming. Does that mean good news?”
“Cassandra Wright. You’re looking at her.” I strike a pose, pointing to myself with both hands.
“That’s fucking amazing, baby. We’ll have to take you out later to celebrate.” He grabs a bagel out of the fridge and leans down to steal another kiss before taking off. It’s so domestic I’m surprised there aren’t actual heart-eyes floating around my head.
Roger smiles at me like a proud father once Priest is gone. “It’s not what I would’ve picked for you, but I’m so happy you’re happy, Quinn. I hate that it took Sheila doing what she did and going to jail to make it happen, but I love watching you stretch your wings.”
We’ve talked around Mom a lot, but both of us seem to avoid getting too deep, like she’s a bruise that’s still healing. “I hope you know that I’ve always thought of you as more than just my agent. You were the only reason my life was half as normal as it was.”
He grimaces. “It wasn’t easy keeping my mouth shut sometimes. Don’t hate me, but there were some days I wished she would just cross a line that would make it easy to report. I did the best I could and hated that I didn’t do more, but I knew that if I pushed too hard she would find someone else and I didn’t trust that they would put your best interests first.”
I go to him and wrap my arms around his chest, hugging tight. “Sometimes I wanted that, too.”
It’s true. Mom’s abuse was death by a thousand cuts. Physically she never hurt me enough for people to pay attention. I went to school. I had clean clothes. She was strict, but that’s not a crime. She monitored my weight, but I never starved. She loved people telling her how pretty or talented I was. I was an asset that she cared for.
But sometimes she was fun.
And sometimes she’d bring home sushi and we’d watch reality TV together.
And sometimes she’d hold my arms so hard there’d be tiny bruises.
Learning how to let myself be loved without it hurting is a work in progress. Having Axel back in my life helps, but it’s been hard sometimes. When we talk, I can’t ignore everything that I pushed down for so long. But Colt, Sinner, Priest, and all the new friends I’ve made are making it way easier than I ever thought possible.
40
Chapter 40 - Quinn
When things start happeningwith the Outlaw Sons, they happen fast. It’s barely fall, but we’re already making it official.
Not that there’s an authority out there that will legally recognize this, but within the club, it matters. Pledging my loyalty in front of everyone gives me status and protection. Without it, no matter how serious we might be about each other, in the MC world, I don’t have the right to bear their names.
I didn’t understand the symbolism at first, but over time I saw how important it was to Jess and the others. When I met Dakota’s little boy, and learned the sad story behind his parents, and then saw their names on the cut on the wall, I realized that one day I would want that. It’s not just a social club, it’s a family. I didn’t get the best luck with the family I was born to, but this one I’m choosing, and it feels important.
Besides, Jess has declared that it’s absolutely necessary in order to join old ladies and their shooting club with Anne’s foster mom Bonnie. Personally, I think Jess just wanted someone new toshow off to. She has crazy good aim. Willow’s book club might be more my speed.
When I asked the girls what the traditional way to dress for a ceremony like this is, they refused to give me a real answer, saying I should do something that made it my own, because that’s what this is all about.
In the end, I decided to dress nice. A little biker chic, maybe. I bought knee-high leather boots with a little bit of heel, and I’m wearing a slinky black dress that hugs my chest and flares out past my hips with some slashes of color in the folds to give it depth. It isn’t exactly super long, so I’m not going to go twirling in it, but I think the guys will appreciate it.
My nod to how we met is that I’m wearing my season one Desdemona jacket. I got to keep it when our budget went up for season two. The new one is fancier with cool straps and buckles, but the one I used so often will always have a special place in my heart. Until today, it’s been my favorite riding jacket, but during the ceremony I’ll get my official one, the one that tells everyone exactly who I belong to, and that’s going to be even better.
“You okay?” Axel is wearing his prospect cut.
It suits him, and I think the biker life is helping him settle down and realize he isn’t on his own all the time. He might’ve worked with other people before, but he couldn’t trust any of them.
I was surprised when I found out that Priest had sponsored him to join the club, but it makes sense. He’s definitely got the skills and experience. When I asked, he said it was so they could keep an eye on him, but even they’ve had to grudgingly admit that he’s been integrating well, taking responsibility and handling tasks that even some full members would struggle with. In a quiet,vulnerable moment, Priest said he thinks Axel will get sworn in fairly quickly.
I suggested Zombie for his new name, but someone else said Lazarus and apparently that’scooler. Whatever. To me, he’ll always be Axel, even though I’ve somehow adjusted to Priest.
I give Axel a hug. “I’m fine. Just a lot to think about. It’s a big day.”
Through the doors I can see them swearing in Grimm, the man who was arguing with Hellfire when I first met them. They remind me a little of Axel and Priest. Insulting each other half the time, finishing each other’s sentences the rest. One day that might be Axel. I wonder if he’s thinking the same thing.
“Ever imagine we’d end up like this?” Axel laughs softly while Hellfire holds up a fresh new cut with the Outlaw Sons MC logo on the back.
“Step forward Grimm, and be recognized as an Outlaw Son. Make us fucking proud.”
Grimm accepts the cut and nods. He slips off the prospect cut, folds it and puts it on a little table, then slips on the full member one. He looks up and declares loudly, “I will not bring shame to the club or this cut. I will always watch out for my brothers, as my brothers watch out for me. I accept this responsibility and I will make you fucking proud.” He pauses briefly. “Again.”
