So yeah, she told me what she wants from me, but there’s no fire in her eyes when she says it. I don’t believe her. She’s more than she thinks she is, and this is more than she’ll admit. But I’ll keep taking what I can get, hoping that one day she’ll let me in.
When I’m ready, I open the bathroom door to a dark room.
I feel my way over to the bed, where my eyes have adjusted to the dark enough to see which side Olivia has claimed. She’s lying on her side, facing toward the bathroom with her eyes closed. I peel back the covers on the opposite side and climb in.
I don’t like how we left things before I went into the bathroom. I roll over and lie on my side, hovering above her. I gently stroke her hair.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’ll stick to the deal. This can be whatever you want.”
I’m not even sure she can hear me. Her breathing is steady and soft; she may already be asleep. I press a kiss to the side of her head.
Quietly, to myself more so than to her, I repeat, “Whatever you want. I hope you come to find out that what you want is me.”
To think I was worried about falling for her again when the truth is, I never got over her in the first place.
Chapter twenty-three
Olivia
Ihopeyoucometofind out that what you want is me.
The memory of Gage’s words are a heavy brick in my stomach, causing me to pick at my breakfast the next morning. I’m not entirely sure he meant for me to hear him, but I did, before I fell asleep with his arms around me.
Oh, Gage, I think.Wanting you is not the problem. Wanting you has never been the problem.
The problem is that I’m playing fast and loose with both our hearts. The problem is that I should end things now before the feelings get any more real.
I’ll break my own heart. That’s fine. The pain will be worth it for any of Gage’s time, touches, and kisses now. But if he’s falling for me somehow—against his better judgment, surely—how can I hurt him when I have to walk away for his own good?
After eating—or not eating, in my case—the free breakfast at the hotel, we pile into Brynn’s car to drive back to Camp Prairie Star.
Considering their rendezvous last night, I expect Brynn and Matt to be all over each other this morning, but there’s even more tension between them than between me and Gage, and not the good kind of tension.
Maybe last night didn’t go well? Either way, Matt folds himself into the back seat with Gage, leaving the front passenger seat for me.
Gage and I didn’t have a chance to talk this morning. We overslept and then rushed to get ready to go before breakfast. Apparently, we won’t have the chance to talk at all on this drive back to camp either.
Nobodytalks on the drive. The entire two-and-a-half-hour trip is awkwardly silent except for Matt’s light snoring from the back seat. From time to time, I glance back at Gage, but he’s always facing away from me, toward the window. I can’t tell if his eyes are open or closed.
I’m sure he thinks I’m mad at him, but I’m not. If I’m mad at anyone, it’s at myself. Mostly I’m scared. I’m afraid I’ve gotten myself into something my heart won’t survive, and worse, that I’ll bring Gage down with me.
We finally make it back to camp, and we all grab our bags from the trunk and head in our separate directions to prepare for the campers’ arrival in a couple of hours.
I start down the path to my cabin, relieved to put off any type of conversation with Gage. But it’s short-lived.
“Olivia,” Gage calls behind me, pulling on my hand.
I stop walking and face him.
“Are you okay? You’ve been really quiet this morning. Are you still mad at me from last night? I didn’t have anything to do with getting kicked out of my room, I swear.”
“No, I know. I’m not mad. I’m … thinking.”
Gage tilts his head. “About what?”
“About whether this”—I motion between us—“is a good idea after all.”
Gage’s eyes widen slightly. “Why wouldn’t it be? I shouldn’t have pressured you last night. This can be whatever you want it to be.”
