Chapter thirty-three
Olivia
There’snootherwordfor it: I’m wallowing. Thank goodness my parents are away in South Carolina visiting my sister and her husband or else I’d have to explain to them why I’ve been lying on the couch in the same T-shirt and sweatpants for the last three days. And why I’m eating all the junk food in the house and having more delivered when I run out. I go back and forth between blasting Taylor Swift while singing through my sobs and watching every Emma Stone movie on repeat while sobbing. I sob a lot.
I ignore my phone—the texts from Linda and my sisters, the calls from Annie. I’m sure Gage has told her everything by now, and I wonder if I have to add my best friend to the list of my losses this summer.
On the fourth day, the doorbell rings. When I ignore it—I’m certain the bright daylight of the outside world would permanently blind me at this point—my phone rings. It’s Annie again. I ignore that, too. Then I hear another ping on my phone at the same time someone pounds on the door. I check the text.
Annie:
Let me in NOW
I sigh. I’m resigned to my fate. With some effort, I rise from the couch and stumble to the front door. I unlock it, then turn back toward the couch. Annie lets herself in.
My best friend is five feet, three inches of righteous indignation. She stands in front of me with her hands on her hips. Her fierce glare is a drop in the ocean of my misery at this point. But, I made my bed, so, you know.
“Youdestroyedmy brother,” she thunders.
I shrug. “I destroyed myself, too, if that’s any consolation.”
Annie balks at my words, stepping back to survey the scene in front of her for the first time. The couch is a mess of blankets and pillows. Empty ice cream containers, cookie packages, and various open bags of chips litter the coffee table. “Last Kiss” is still blaring through my Bluetooth speakers. Who knows what’s happening with my hair.
She drops her hands, and her face softens. “I can see that.”
Annie moves to the couch and sits down next to me. She rubs my back. I collapse onto my side, burying my face in the blankets. I’m sobbing again. It’s amazing that I still have tears left, really. At some point, I’m supposed to feel numb, aren’t I? When does that kick in?
Annie continues rubbing my back in a comforting circle. “Gage said … he saidyoudumpedhim.” I can’t see her face, but I hear the confusion in her voice.
“I did!” I choke out.
“But you love him?” She asks so carefully that I lift my head to face her. I can’t say the words, but I nod once, forcing myself to keep eye contact.
I can see the questions in her eyes and between the furrows of her pinched brow. A beat passes as she puzzles out what to say next.
“Delaney, Gage has been half in love with you since high school. He was devastated when you rejected him back then. Why would you do this to him again?”
“He told you all that?” I ask.
“I’m Gage’s best friend. He tells me everything.” She pauses. “Apparently unlikemybest friend, who tells me nothing.”
“I tell you mostly everything. Except this one minor piece of information …” I wince and sit up, my shoulders tensing. “That I’ve been in love with your twin brother since I was thirteen.”
She sucks in a breath, then shakes her head. “To be fair, it wasn’t as much of a secret as you thought. I knew you had a thing for him. But I didn’t think it was love, just that it could be. After Gage told me what happened Friday, I figured I was wrong, but…” She pauses. “But it sounds like I wasn’t. Honey, then why?”
“It was a summer fling,” I mutter, my chest heavy. Maybe if I keep saying it, it will become true.
“No. You’re in love with each other.”
“Gage isn’t in love with me,” I insist.
“Um, pretty sure he is.”
I shake my head. “He may think he is right now, but it was only proximity. We were all together at that camp for months, and it’s not like there were many other single women our age. But he’ll meet so many new women at school, and they’ll be so much more amazing than me. One day, he’ll meet the real love of his life and he’ll be like, ‘Oh I thought it was love with that other girl, but I’ve never felt true love until I met you.’ She’ll be better for him.”
“Better for him?” Annie stills her hand on my back. “Honey, I’m trying to understand, but I feel like I’m missing something here.”
I guess she needs me to spell it out. “A better match for him. More his equal. Smarter than me.”
