“For my mom and brother after Dad died.” I’d never told anyone before—admitting it was one of the hardest things I’d ever done.
“That’s . . . I’m surprised by that.”
“I wasn’t,” I assured her.
She raised one long dark eyebrow. “Were they enough for you?”
“It wasn’t their fault.”
“It wasn’tyourfault.” She tugged my hand to her chest, pressing the knuckles just above her heart. “You needed your dad, you all did. And Mike doesn’t remember it the way you do. When he told me about how you transferred schools and moved back home. He understands now how young you were and the responsibility you took on. That’s one of the first things he told me about you.”
I scowled, swallowing down the knot in my throat.
She gently pushed her knee against the interior of mine. “He said he didn’t know how he would have made it through without you there.”
“That’s all I could do,” I whispered. My nose stung as I fought back tears that wanted to fill along my bottom eyelashes.
“You were there for each other. Isn’t that all there is?” Her shoulders sagged, and she let our hands fall to her lap. “No one can be everything. That’s too much. Someone who’s willing to be there...I don’t know. Isn’t that enough?”
Fear was a vise around my chest. It slicked my palms in a clammy damp and made my mouth dry. I licked my lips and forced out, “Is it?”
“I think so.”
If that was true, then this love I had for her could find its home. There was a possibility that someday she could love me back. She’d implied that she’d be open to continuing something with me when we got home. Wouldn’t I be a fool not to take the chance? Even with all of the ways I could do it wrong?
Sitting in that white plastic chair with her watching me as if something mysterious had just become something she understood, it felt possible.
“I don’t have to miss you?” I asked breaking the weighted silence.
A slow apprehensive smile grew on her lips. It reached up until it touched her eyes. “Not if you don’t want to.”
“I don’t want to,” I admitted. “But I’m . . . freaked out.”
“Me too.” She nodded chewing on her lower lip. “What if we took it slow?”
My feelings for her were not slow. They were urgent and loud and overwhelming. But I leaned forward, cupping her chin in my hand. Her knees fit in the space between my thighs. “You’ll have to show me what that means.”
“We might have to figure it out together.” Her lips brushed mine as she spoke, and her eyes fluttered closed.
I kissed her, savoring the way she sank into me. For the first time, as I cataloged the tickle of her hair against the scruff of my jaw, I let go just a little bit. Reassuring myself that this was not the beginning of the end. But just the beginning.
Chapter 20
Sadie
After our tacos and talk, there was enough time to get the flowers, drop them off at the wedding coordinator and get cupcakes, or . . .
We chose option “or.”
Delivering the flowers was technically seamless, but waiting for someone to take the trays of bouquets and boutonnieres while Jamison kept meeting my gaze withpromisemade the waiting feel interminable.
By the time we made it to the elevator, I was practically feral. I wanted to mount him then and there. Grind my body against his. Touch him. Kiss him. Fuck him. I wanted to lose all sense of myself and exist in the sensations he drew from my body.
The doors closed, and he pinned me against the wall, his hands on my thigh and waist. I couldn’t touch enough of him. His clothes were in the way.
Public was in the way.
How was it possible to be this turned on and continue sustaining life? This level of horniness had to be a medical condition.
