“I’m sorry,” I blurted. “Last night . . . I was so fucking wrong.”
She tilted her head looking between my eyes. “You seemed pretty overwhelmed.”
“I was still wrong.” My fingers twitched, and I tugged her a bit closer without thinking. “I want to make it up to you. You’re right, I have a lot of growing to do. But I will. I won’t fuck it up again. A deciding factor to buying this condo was being around you more, and I was too oblivious to realize it’s because I’ve loved you for months. It’s just a couple blocks from your place. I can grab coffee for you every morning and we can commute to work together. We can take this as fast or slow as you want. We can make this anything we want, as long as we’re together.”
For a moment, all I could hear was the rush of blood in my ears and the song playing from the speakers. If she didn’t like what I’d just said, she’d have an even more awkward voicemail to delete later. This was desperation, and it had me by the throat.
“I’m scared,” she said to my chest, “but I don’t want to run.”
I tried to force my breathing to remain level, as adrenaline spiked in my system. It wasn’t a clear statement that we could go back to where we’d been yesterday, but it was a start.
“What can I do to make this less scary?” I asked.
“Just keep proving you’ll be there.”
Tilting her chin up, I stared into her blue eyes sparkling in the strung overhead lights. “I’ll be right here.”
“I will be too.”
After never saying the words to any other woman before, it seemed like the last thing I had to say would be nerve-racking. But it wasn’t. The words slipped from between my lips like they’d been waiting to be spoken. “Sadie, I love you.”
A slow contented smile spread across her lips. “I love you too.”
She kissed me until we had to pause our dancing and the slow song transitioned to something upbeat, and we parted to join in the more chaotic movements around us. I kept my eyes on her the whole time, unable to absorb all of her brightness and passion.
***
Sadie and I waited for June and Mike to leave the reception before we made our departure. We left with our fingers entwined, and a contented energy between us. When we reached the path separating the resort and the beach, just like the first night, I had the urge to take my shoes and socks off and dip my toes into the ocean. We turned toward our building, but I stared out at the smooth surface.
“What’s up?” Sadie asked.
“I kinda want to put my feet in the water,” I said.
“What’s stopping you?”
I contemplated for a moment, then said, “Nothing.”
I lifted one foot to remove my dress shoe and then the other. I tucked my socks into the shoes hanging from my fingers and took a step onto the sand. With the sun set, the grains were cold under the soles of my feet—growing colder with each step closer to the water. With each stride I picked up speed. By the time a wave drifted over my toes I was desensitized to the freezing water.
I planted myself there, under the endless stretch of stars and deep night sky at the edge of a body of water so large I couldn’t comprehend the space it took up—the lives living in its depths and along its edges.
I felt Sadie’s presence before I heard her muffled footsteps approaching at my side. Without saying a word, she hugged her arms around my waist, and I hooked my arm around her shoulders pulling her tighter to my side. Too overwhelmed with love and gratitude that in all the different possibilities this life had to offer, all the different ways that our lives could have sent us in opposite directions, somehow she was there at my side.
I couldn’t form any of this into words. Not yet.
Our breathing synchronized.
My heart rate slowed.
Peace settled like a blanket through my usually anxious mind.
She snuggled her cheek closer to my chest, and shivered.
Looking down at her, I took in the goosebumps along her arms. “Are you cold?”
“But I don’t want to go, yet,” she answered.
I turned to face her, tucking her arms under my tux to hold her flush against my chest. Her mouth was soft against mine as I drank in her kiss. She tasted like champagne, and my brain swam. My blood rushed and a heady buzz warmed under my skin. She sighed at the back of her throat tilting her head to give me deeper access, and I took it. With each breath that passed between us, I devoted more of myself to her. To always listen when she was upset. To be her support when everything else weighed her down. To be her refuge when the world got too demanding.
