He understood that; he really did. But at the end of the day, like Ryan Fletcher had pointed out, Nate wasn’t around to celebrate his twenty-fifth birthday this year.
“The night terrors have been worse this week because of my frustration about the murders and being suspended,” he said. “Believe me, I wanted to be with you in every way a man can be with a woman, but I don’t want to hurt you further.”
She nodded and let out a breath. “I know I’m not good with emotional stuff. I’m never going to be good with emotional stuff.”
“Freckles—”
She kissed his chest. “No, let me finish.”
He shut up and kept his arms around her. “I’m not good at the emotional stuff, but I’m not weak, Tanner. My past may have been brutal, but it made me strong. I know you and I haven’t really talked about exactly where we are going with our relationship.”
He wanted to stop right there. Wanted to explain to her that, especially after earlier tonight, he was all in.
All. In.
There was nothing he wanted more than to spend the rest of his life with this woman. But he was older than her by nearly a decade. He had seen and done somuch more than she’d been able to do, living on the run most of her life. He was willing to take however long she needed—to wait forever—for her to feel ready to start a life with him.
“You’ve been so patient with me,” she continued. “Taking things slow and going at a pace I’m comfortable with. And I so appreciate your willingness to do that.”
Now he had to stop her. “Because you’re worth it.” He kissed the top of her head. He meant every word.
She squeezed him then moved back so they could look eye to eye. “It means the world that you think so. And I feel the same. But if we are ever going to go forward as a true couple, you’ve got to know thatI don’t break. At least, not very easily.”
She was right, of course. He’d been doing them both a disservice by hiding this from her. Keeping it a secret had forced him to carry too much and insulted her by implying she wasn’t strong enough to help lift his burden.
He reached down and framed her face with both hands. “I’ve never thought you anything but incredibly strong. But what I did was downright stupid, and you’re right to call me on it.”
The tiniest of smiles lit up her face. “I don’t get to do that with you very often, Captain Dempsey. You’re a pretty smart guy. But I want to help you. We can work out your triggers together. And hell, if I take a shot to the jaw from you in the middle of a night terror, you’ll just owe me one.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You mean you’ll want a return shot to my jaw?”
“No. But after the last few hours, I can think ofmanydifferent ways for you to work off any guilt. And we haven’t even gotten to the really interesting stuff yet.Imagine what I can come up with once you teach me how sex really works.”
She shifted so she was straddling his lap. There was nothing separating them but the thin blanket.
She grinned, and that beautiful smile was all woman. Tanner felt his heart tumble over into an abyss he knew he was never coming back from.
He gave her his own smile. “You know, for someone who feels like she doesn’t know how to say the right things, you do a pretty damn good job.”
Because she had. Just by being Bree, she had shifted some of the weight he carried. Helped disseminate it more evenly between the two of them.
They were a team. And he was head-over-ass in love with this woman.
“Good. You won’t break me, Tanner. I promise.”
He kissed her. He meant it to be a kiss of reverence and thanks. But it soon turned into something much more passionate.
“I think we better head back to the bedroom and practice some of those apology moves, just in case you need them. Especially the ones that involve you kissing right here.” She pointed to the spot on the side of her neck just below her ear.
“I’ve created a monster.”
Wrapping his hands under her hips, he stood and carried her back into the bedroom. He’d be kissing her there and a lot of other places. And when they fell asleep afterward, he’d be right there by her side, where he belonged.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Bree rode with Tanner to the sheriff’s office in the northern part of Grand County the next morning. She still had the day off work and wanted to be there in case Whitaker was too oblivious to see what was right in front of his ass.
She offered to write it down for Tanner in case he needed a direct quote.
