They took control of my body and soul. My actions were not my own. The Guardians’ Hero understood the center of control was the stone and received permission from our Guardians to destroy it.
It is with the deepest sadness that I report the hero was fatally injured and perished soon after.
What a boring way to tell the story. What a lie. When I heard her voice, loud but not overbearing, causing people toflood into the streets to see the projection, my heart soared, then crashed as I processed the words. She needed the blood off her hands. She needed someone for the empire to rally around. The Guardians’ Hero died to save her. How could anyone stand against her now?
Except I’m alive and breathing. It wasn’t me who died. It wasn’t me who gave their life for peace.
It isn’t me who deserves to be venerated and mourned.
Bile rises up my throat. My heart begins to race. There are too many people around me, just like on the dais, just like when Su–
I think about politics and walk faster through the crowds. Some people still whisper that the calamity isn’t over at all, that Inka Yanami is the calamity itself. That she will bring terror and plagues to the empire. A weaker story, a truer story, would have led to more of these rumors. As of now, they’re the minority.
I scoff to myself, winding through the streets between piles of wood and children drinking their morning quinoa. The Sun Staff is asleep, its shining gold turned into a burnished silver, its sun statue at the top turned to dust swept up by the wind. It looks like any other staff that common people use for protection or as a tool. Nothing special about it, just like there’s nothing special about me, not anymore.
I wanted to throw the staff into the sea as soon as I was away from prying eyes. In the immediate disorder following the fight, it would have been easy.
The guards that were so ready to attack Yanami immediately went to her side to help once they saw the state I left her in. Belief in the divine right to rule might have weakened, but it still existed. My final action was the shock the system needed to restart. It was like people came out of a fear-fueled daze and saw Yanami for what she was, not a monster, not a scared girl.
She was their Inka.
The guards handled things effectively without the Aya Runa pulling their strings. Yanami received immediate medical attention. The people were guided home safely, told to stay inside and wait for news. Chaskis spread the daily announcements, and once Yanami was healed, she took the mantle of newscaster herself.
I didn’t know any of that when I tried to toss the Sun Staff. It was after I took off the crown, felt the welts it left on my skin, and threw it into the ocean, that my hands faltered around the staff. It was all over. The staff powered down into a common, burnished silver prop. Still, I couldn’t. My reflection stared at me, distorted through the shining silver slivers of the staff. The weapon didn’t belong in our world the same way the stone didn’t.
The same way I felt I didn’t.
The crown was a symbol of the Hero, but this staff, rusted and normal, is a symbol of me. I keep it close to me at all times now. It is just a regular staff, I tell myself. It is just a protective measure.
I make it to the coast and look at the waves, only a few meters from the palace grounds. I sit alone at the edge of the plateau.
One week and martial law is lifting little by little. Inka Yanami encourages people to spend some time outside in recreational areas. We’re let out in quadrants, so as to not overwhelm the guards, but it’s a nice sense of normalcy to most people. A show of goodwill from the new Inka.
I wish I didn’t have to ruin the guards’ sense of control, but I can’t wait for regular meetings with the Inka to open up.
I have to get Mare now.
Looking down at the sea makes me sick with a newly familiar sense of vertigo. I turn to stare at the palace walls instead. The moment she recovered, Inka Yanami got to work organizing the soldiers and controlling the narrative around the Calamity.Inside those walls are soldiers, healers, nobles, and children, all running to complete her wishes.
They say we won. I don’t believe it even when it comes out of her mouth.
But I’m not in the business of caring about winning anymore.
I walk to the palace entrance and clear my throat. The soldier at the door stands to attention. It’s when I get to my last name, the former Apukispay’s last name, that he begins shouting to the others behind him. A group, a mix of soldiers, healers, and noble attendants, let me in. They look me over, chattering in my ear, but I’m numb to it all.
This might have felt like losing before, a mass of people tending to me, recognition, validation, all just because I am my mother’s daughter. Yet, I don’t care about winning at all. I don’t know what winning is when I’ve lost it all.
I’m led deep into the palace, guards walking behind us at a polite distance. I want to sayI don’t care about niceties. Treat me like a guest of honor or don’t. I’m here for one thing.
But when they bring me to Yanami, I realize how badly I’ve been deluding myself. I’m here for Mare, yes, but not only for him.
Not when Yanami stands in front of me, eyes quick to recompose themselves after showing an ounce of shock, flicking from my face to the staff behind me.
The girl beside her stands to attention, angling her body in front of Yanami like a shield. Yanami puts a gentle hand on her shoulder and whispers something. The way Yanami brings her lips close to the girl’s ear, the way the girl flushes, a soft rose pink on her pale skin, the way the girl still refuses to back down, going as far as to take another step forward, it all builds into an image I refuse to see. I squeeze my eyes shut like a child. I bite my tongue. Get my emotions under control, uncurl my fists, remind myself that Yanami should be protected, even if it’s from me.
I don’t want to be the bad guy anymore.
Yanami doesn’t speak until I open my eyes.
