"You're going to save her, right? Because you're the hero. You're going to save everyone." His last sentence isn’t a question, and I’m glad it’s not. I don’t know how I would have stopped myself from responding honestly, and I know exactly what I would have said.
I’ve already failed.
My mother was right, and I got her killed for it. We’ve already lost so much. But it was supposed to be worth it, for us, for me, Mare, and Suyai. For the princess.
Maybe it still can be.
I think back to the woman who beat Suyai without a thought. I’m not strong enough to defeat her in battle. I know it. I can’t defeat her as I am now, but with the Sun Staff, I’ll be untouchable.A golden staff that can cut through anything. I’ll cut through that woman’s throat.
I’ll retrieve the Sun Staff no matter what.
“Nothing happened to your sister. She’s okay,” I lie, the process so unfamiliar and vile and useless. “But I do need to save her. We need to save her, together. I’ll just need you to be strong for a little while longer.”
“I can be strong forever. Like you.” He puffs out his chest, and I hug him harder.
“Good,” I say, and I have to stop when I notice how heavy my voice sounds. Mare doesn’t need heavy. He needs light and adventure and hope. He needs a hero. “Good,kori. We’re going to be leaving tomorrow morning for Lake Titicaca. You know that place, right?”
He turns around in my arms at the mention of the lake, his eyes wide in excitement. “Where– Where the first Inka’s from, where he came out with the Sun staff! Are we finally going to the trials, Rei?”
His excitement loosens something in me, and I can breathe normally again.
“Yes,kori. We need to help the princess there first, but then we’ll get to the trials–”
“And then we’re going to save Susu,” he says, his eyes sparkling. There’s hope there, but there are also tears. He won’t let them fall, though.
“Yes, then we’ll save Susu.”
His cheeks stay dry as mine are flooded. His smile wavers, but he keeps it on. He turns fully and hugs me.
I don’t let go of him all night.
Chapter 26
The trek to Lake Titicaca is hard. We can’t stop in any towns, not looking the way we do. Our polleras are in tatters after using the fabric for our growing list of wounds, and our white shirts are stained with blood. It feels as dirty as I feel inside. Blood-stained, torn to pieces, unable to go back to normal life until I can find a way to clean up.
Mare’s leg isn’t healing as well now after he used his samay. His limp and the white strands of hair marring his head are reminders of what I lost. I have to force myself not to frown every time I see him, but I slip up at times. Those times, I just have to pray he’s not looking back.
Sometimes he is.
The princess won’t speak to me. I wish I didn’t have anything to say to her, but the weight of my unspoken words is just one more burden to bear. Just like the burden of a crumbling empire, her anger is fated to fall on me. When I try to form an apology, it burns my tongue. When I try to reach for her hand, my own muscles betray me. I always go after what I want, but my own vitriol refuses to let me want her.
My anger is all that keeps me from falling apart. It’s what lets me focus on the path that will lead me to the Sun Staff and my only chance to become strong enough to save–
I can’t think ofhertoo much, the same way I can’t think of the princess’s distance or Mare’s injuries. I can’t think about any of it until the end finally justifies the means. And it will. I march forward with a single-minded purpose because, gods, it has to.
Any other time, making the journey to Lake Titicaca would be an honor. It’s not a formal part of the empire, not after they declared independence decades ago, so it’s rare for a citizen of the empire to cross the border. If they do, they’re usually sent as a representative of the Inka herself. They go to leave offerings and strengthen the fragile connections we have with the islands of the lake after the reign of the False King. No matter how much the islands don’t want to deal with us, they can recognize the importance of the lake to the empire.
It is where the first Inka appeared, after all. It would be nothing short of war if the empire didn’t have access.
I look to Mare. He’s grown up hearing stories of Lake Titicaca his whole life, as have I. Anyone involved with the Inkan army has dreams of being sent as a special envoy, though Suyai tried to keep him out of it. I know Mare involved himself with as many soldiers as possible.
“Will we see where the staff was formed?” Mare asks. The princess avoids me easily, but she doesn’t give Mare the same treatment. She responds before I can answer with a simpleI don’t know.
“We don’t know exactly where the staff came from, since it was made by Inti in the heavens, but we’ll go to Amantani Island, which is really close to Isla del Sol where Inti gave the Sun Staff to the first Inka.”
“We will?” I ask without thinking. I haven’t voiced a plan because I haven’t formed one yet.
The princess sighs. She sounds more exhausted than angry, and I almost break and tell herme too. I’m also so tired that breathing is an insurmountable task. My anger, my loyal companion, is waning. In its place is a bone-deep sadness. I hear her breathe, and I swear it’s the start of a conversation.
