The princess walks toward us, stumbling in exhaustion. The blood on the ground is drying in the sun, and Mare is right, we don’t have time. I need the princess to leave before I do something foolish like ask her to stay. I need Mare to understand before I lose the little confidence I have in my words.
“But we need to save Susu,” he counters. He looks so confused.
“You can help later. After I get the staff, but you can’t go with me,” I say.
“Why not?”
“Because you can’t.”
“But why,” he pushes, and I’m losing it. I’m losing myself to the taste of iron in the air making me sick, and the heat of the sun feeling like a physical weight crushing my bones, and the sirens calling me to my destiny. I’m losing myself.
“Because you’re not the hero. I am,” I shout, the words flying out of my mouth before I can think any of them through.
“Sinchinrei,” the princess says, shocking me back into myself.
“But… But I need to see my sister. I need to save my sister.” The desperation in Mare’s voice burns me from afar, and I can only imagine how it must burn from within.
“I’m going to save Suyai, Mare. I just need to get the Sun Staff first.”I just need to be stronger.
I hear the explosion in Mare’s voice before it shows in his body.
“You’ve had to do everything first, everything before her. And she’s alone out there, and we’re here and, and,” he’s stuttering. His teeth are shaking, and his whole body follows. Tears begin to flow, and it’s not that I’ve never seen Mare cry, but after all we’ve been through, I thought he was stronger than this. I thought he would understand. I can’t show up to Lima without the Sun Staff. I just can’t.
I’m weak without it.
If I could, I would have run to Suyai immediately. Of course, I would.
Of course.
“Mare, what–” the princess’s voice yet again brings me back. She gasps before finishing her sentence. I had forced my eyes away from Mare, but following the princess’s wide eyes, I see him again.
Him, with the dagger in one hand, stabbing it into the other.
I curse and lunge forward, but he’s smaller and faster. He’s only a few steps from the princess and grabs her arm before I reach arm’s length. I start forward anyway, but then I see his sliced hand mere inches away from the princess’s matching one.
“Mare, Mare, careful.” The words tumble out of my mouth, barely coherent.
The princess jerks away but stills the instant Mare almost slams his hand into hers. He’s too close. He could touch her any second. The princess may be faster, but how much are we willing to bet on her reflexes?
“Mare, what are you doing?” I gasp out. My breath is coming out in giant huffs. I can feel my heart pounding against my ribs, like it’s a second away from breaking through bones.
He’s sniffling. I see him almost lift his hand to wipe his running nose, but he remembers himself at the last minute and only holds on to the princess’s arm tighter.
“What is happening?” I whisper.
“I want to see my sister,” he cries.
“You’ll see her soon. I promise. Right after–”
“No! I want to see her now.”
I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do. Mare is inches away from ending up a corpse on the ground.
“Get away from him,” I bark out.
The princess looks at me with pure shock that mirrors my own. She’s got tears in her eyes, genuine tears threatening to fall, and I want to scream. How dare she? She’s the one who could kill him.
“Mare, let me go,” she says, her voice just as shaky as mine. “Please. I don’t want to hurt you.” She could throw him down, push him, or sidestep, but all of that comes with the risk of his hand touching hers.
