She felt Elio’s stare turn to her, but kept her own stare fixed in the distance.
Since he’d asked her outright who had hurt her, the incident had played on her mind a lot more than she normally allowed. Her mother’s thoughtful birthday presents had only added to the complication of her feelings and the sensation that she was walking a tightrope that was being lifted higher and higher. A fall was coming. She felt it in her bones.
Being sure to keep her voice emotionless, she said, “When I was a little girl, I was crazy about him. I took my first holy communion when I was seven in the white lace dress all us girls wear for it, and dreamed it was a wedding dress and that I was marrying him. He was one of my father’s henchmen and very close to Mattia; almost part of our family, but I don’t think he saw me as anything but the boss’s daughter until I hit puberty and my breasts developed. One day I was a flat-chested child, and the next I had these things, and I was so excited for them.” She shook her head and gave a short, bitter laugh. “I was such a girly girl, and so proud of my developing body and the feelingthat I was becoming a woman, and I wanted everyone to see it. I didn’t know the danger I was putting myself in. I had big brothers who spoke about women in the most derogatory way, but that was just bravado amongst brothers and them being pigs. I didn’t think it was real. I didn’t really think men viewed women as slabs of meat with holes to fuck. In those days, I had no idea my father hosted sex parties or that my mother refused to share a bed with him because his demands in the bedroom repulsed her. My world was safe.Iwas safe.”
She took a shaky breath and drank more of her Negroni. “My childhood crush on Stefan had been a bit of a joke in my family, but not something anyone had taken seriously, mainly because I’d been a child. I didn’t know he knew about it or that he thought…”
She pulled in another shaky breath. She’d never told the full story before. She didn’t even know why she was telling it now.
“My parents used to throw these huge pool parties. My father would work the barbecue, but they’d get the caterers in for the rest of it. I had a couple of glasses of champagne when I thought no one was looking, and played water polo – it was the first time I’d been allowed to play.” She pulled a face. “The downside of being so much younger than my brothers. But I played that day, and I was told to block Stefano. That was my job. If you’ve played water polo, then you’ll know it can get really physical, so there was a lot of body contact between us, but I didn’t think anything of it because I’d watched so many games and knew that’s how it went. When it was over, I went to my room to change into my new summer dress. I loved that dress and couldn’t wait for everyone to admire me in it.”
Lifting her head to the dark sky, she swallowed. She’d got this far. Might as well share the rest of it.
“He was waiting outside my room for me. I literally walked out of my door, and then I was being pinned against the wallwith Stefano’s tongue down my throat.” She finally turned her face to Elio’s. His features were as hard and as set as granite. “He tasted of raw onion and beer. It was disgusting. I tried to push him off, but he was too strong and kept saying he knew how much I wanted him. My beautiful dress that I was so enamoured with was very short, and he had no trouble putting his hand up it and jabbing his fingers inside me. He only stopped because he heard voices downstairs, and when he pulled away from me, he kissed me again and told me that he’d find me later when it was safe for us to be alone.” She could feel her eyes flashing with the old anger and pain. “I have never been so scared in all of my life. Hehurtme, and when I went and told my mother, she told me she would sort it, but that it was my own fault for drinking alcohol and leading him on and that I was never to tell anyone else about it.” Her face tightening, she shook her head and looked away from Elio’s unreadable stare. “And I never did. Not a soul until now, and I really have no idea why I’ve just shared it with you.”
Pulling her legs out of the water, she got to her feet and downed the rest of her drink. With barely a thought, she threw the empty glass into the pool and headed back inside, leaving her husband at the poolside, as still as a statue.
* * *
Elio climbed the stairs on legs that felt strangely weighted. When he reached the bedroom door, he found he needed to take a deep breath before opening it.
The room was empty, but he could hear the shower running.
Sinking onto an armchair, he dragged his fingers through his hair. Strangely, it wasn’t the story Siena had just relayed to him that was playing on his mind, but the way she’d asked Carlo if his carbonara contained onion the first time he took her there.At the time, he’d thought it a strange question, but then forgot about it. Now, he guessed she’d asked because if anyone were dumb enough to put onion in the dish, it wouldn’t have time in the quick cooking process to cook down. It would still taste pungently raw.
He tried to remember Siena as a fourteen-year-old, but her teenage years had suddenly become hazy in his mind. All those years watching her, and it was like she’d turned from an angelic-looking child to the beautiful young woman on her eighteenth birthday in the blink of an eye.
He remembered Elvira’s teenage years. She was six years younger than Elio, four years younger than Bruno. By the time she’d hit adolescence, Elio was coming out of it and more than aware of the dangers she would have to navigate where horny males were concerned. He’d been protective of her. Too protective at times.
“You are not our father!” she’d screamed at him on more than one occasion.
“No, but I’m the only father you’ve got,” he’d retorted furiously.
The bathroom door opened.
He lifted his head and felt his heart twist to see Siena all clean and human, and he was glad that her soft blue eyes were stony when they briefly found his and that she stalked to the bed in her usual truculent manner. Glad, too, when she pulled her robe off and climbed naked beneath the sheets in her usual prim fashion, pulled them to her shoulders and turned onto her side; the position she always took, ensuring that when he joined her, her back was to him.
Taking himself off to the bathroom, he stepped into the shower that was filled with the marshmallow steamy scent of Siena, and scrubbed himself raw. By the time he’d dried himself and brushed his teeth, his insides felt a bit less turbulent, but itwas a turbulence that kicked off again when he stepped back into the bedroom.
He didn’t think she’d moved an inch of her body since he’d gone into the bathroom.
Climbing in beside her, he gazed at the back of her still head. This was usually the point where he put his hand on her shoulder and turned her onto her back. Usually, he kept the bedside light on so he could see her face. He got as much out of watching her face melt for him as he did her body.
Swallowing the huge lump that had formed in his throat, he turned the light off.
The room in darkness, they lay in a silence so thick with tension he needed only swish a finger in the air to cut it.
“If I’d known my sorry little story would stop you putting your foul hands on me, I’d have told you two weeks ago.”
He closed his eyes. Icily delivered though her words were, there was no mistaking the tremor ringing through them. “Is that why you told me?”
When she finally answered, it was with a whisper. “I don’t know why I told you.”
More tense silence passed. His eyes had become adjusted to the dark, and he stared at her tight little form with a matching tightness in his chest and throat. “Why did your mother protect him?”
Lorenzo Esposito had been a monster, but family had meant everything to him. If he’d known what Stefano had done to his daughter, he would have killed him without blinking.
She took a long time to speak. This time, there was no emotion in her voice. “In her eyes, her teenage daughter had been drinking and draping herself over the grown man she’d once had a crush on in a swimming pool, and had been taught a valuable lesson about men in return. Stefano’s father was part of my father’s original crew from way back when he wasjust a small-time drug dealer. Stefano was always a part of our world. In her mind, why waste a loyal, valuable asset for one indiscretion?”
