Lily opened her mouth to continue, but Bradford held up a hand. He had to stop her. He saw the words in her eyes, and he didn’t trust himself to do the right thing if she actually uttered them aloud. He couldn’t bear to hear any more, not when his resolve was already frayed and delicate.
“Please,” he said. “Allow me a moment.”
Bradford turned and took a shuddering breath, looking out over the pond to avoid Lily’s curious gaze. He could think of only one way to put her fears to rest in a final, unequivocal fashion.
Then Lily would be free of the distraction Bradford presented. She would be free to make an attachment to another gentleman. If she thought she felt affection for Bradford, surely she was open to the sentiment in general. It would take her but a short time to forget her momentary fondness for Bradford if he were out of the picture.
Though the thought nearly made him ill, he felt the rightness of it. Lily should be with someone she truly knew, someone without his own bleak past…someone who had actually been honest with her from the beginning.
Bradford’s thoughts swirled until they finally coalesced into the certainty that anything Lily thought she felt for him was false. How could it possibly be true, when she didn’t truly know him?
Or, even worse, perhaps she didn’t truly feel anything for Bradford at all—perhaps she thought this was whathewanted, whathewas demanding in exchange for secrecy—for her sisters’ safety.
Lily would sacrifice herself to keep her sisters safe. Hadn’t she done so before?
Lily was sunshine, and he was trapped in the memory of a Northumberland storm. The best thing he could do for her was leave. Heshouldleave—he was a distraction to her chances. Hadn’t she said so herself only moments ago?
He nodded grimly in response to his own thoughts. “Miss Preston, I will tell you what I should have from the first. Although they perplexed and grieved me at the outset, in light of what you and your sisters experienced, your actions were understandable. You have my word of honor that I won’t say anything to anyone about it. If rumor of it comes about, I will even deny it vehemently. You were an excellent governess to Rebecca, and I hope that when…” Here, he had to clear his throat in order to continue. “When you make your match and are married, you are more than welcome to visit her at Ballam Hall.”
Bradford gave a kind—albeit sharp—bow, and strode off through the park before the keening of his heart overrode his sense of honor.
CHAPTER 25-LILY
What on earth had just happened?
Miss Preston. He’d called her Miss Preston!
Bradford hadn’t done so since that very first ball when he’d asked to dance, and even then his tone had been mocking. Yet there had been nothing remotely joking about the way he’d said her name that morning in the park.
Lily paced before the fire in her bedroom late into the morning, the plush rug soft beneath her bare feet. Outside, the city was loud and boisterous. Carriage wheels clattered along the cobblestones and genteel walkers greeted each other as they passed.
Lily shook her head. It had only been two days since she’d paced in much the same manner after Bradford declared he’d felt…something.
Apparently, he’d changed his mind. Lily sat abruptly on her sofa, staring out at nothing. She was no idiot—she knew a goodbye when she heard one. Bradford Hayes had set her quite firmly aside.
How ironic that this was what Lily thought she’d wanted all throughout that first dance weeks ago—for Bradford to give hisword that he wouldn’t tell a soul about her being his governess, that he wouldn’t harm the chances of her sisters to marry. That he would leave and never return.
Over the past days, she’d started to think… Well, she’dhoped. And wasn’t hope sometimes the most dangerous of all emotions? She’d thought that perhaps Bradford had felt the same, strange connection she had, even when they’d been back in Northumberland.
Not that she’d entertained any sort offurtherhope at the time. She had been his governess. He was the master of the house. It would have been an impropriety on both of their parts to ever allow their hopes to treadthatparticular path.
But then he’d taken the trouble to hunt her down in London. She’d kept wondering why. Was it simply for closure, as he’d claimed? She pressed a hand to her stomach and shook her head. It didn’t make sense—if all he wanted to know was who she truly was, well, the investigator had found that out for him already.
If he’d wanted his pound of flesh as recompense, then he should have exposed her as a fraud to the entireton.
He hadn’t even needed to see her, if all he wanted was the truth. If he’d never intended upon hurting her or her sisters, then he could have spotted her in the park, confirmed her identity for himself, and ridden back to Northumberland, with Lily being none the wiser that he’d ever been in London at all.
The thought sent a sharp spear of pain through her. Dear heavens, what if hehaddone that? For Bradford being in London had changed her. It had helped heal those ragged parts of her that had torn the moment she’d escaped Ballam Hall.
Instead of leaving, he’d courted her. It was the truth she hadn’t allowed herself to dwell on while he’d been visiting her in her parlor, but something she’d state plainly now. Bradford was not the type of man to waste his time for sheer amusement’ssake. If he’d been visiting her for the past several months, he’d had a reason. Something beyond revenge or even petty triumph.
Then he’d told her he had feelings for her, said that he’dwaitfor her. Of course, Lily hadn’t realized that the time limit on his waiting had been a matter of hours.
What had changed so suddenly?
Perhaps it was the way she had looked at Bradford, that moment in the park. For the first time, Lily had let her private hopes seep out in her expression. She’d showed him that she truly cared for him past friendship. She’d told him as much when she said that she couldn’t make herself regret her duplicity or her time in Northumberland. Not just because of how she loved Rebecca, but also because ofhim.
The emotions she’d seen play out across his face! Determination, but there had been stark longing there, too. She knew desire when she saw it now. She nearly snorted—these past weeks of courting had taught her that much when it came to men, at least.
