It takes a long, long time to go to sleep.
Chapter ten
Sifa
And Then I Notice Him
“No!Lethimgo!”
“Sifa, wake up!” My eyes fly open. Fhord’s hands are on my cheeks, his eyes wide as a vein pulses in his neck. He’s terrified, for me.
I stare at him, confused. I was in the caves, watching as they dragged Toffer from his cell. His turn to be slashed and skinned in their endless search for answers he couldn’t give. In the distance, the wails I’d come to expect from some beast being tortured continued. They’d started just after daybreak and seemed like they’d never stop, although our cells were growing dark.
But I’m not trapped below the Nest. I’m in a tent with Fhord. Shaking my head, I sit up. Fhord draws his hands away, but he doesn’t move. He still watches me, but now he’s concerned. Almost like he cares. Butterflies launch in my stomach as we sit there together, gazing at each other. Almost on its own, my tongue emerges to moisten my lips.
Fhord takes a sharp inhale, dropping onto his ass as his head spins away from me.
“I’m … sorry I … touched you. I shouldn’t have. I was just worried. You were screaming.” His hands are splayed out on his pants. They’re still, as if he’s trying to stop himself from wiping away the feel of my skin.
And then I notice him. And my heart really starts to race.
He sleeps without a shirt, giving me the view I’ve needed of his chest. His arms. His stomach.
As I suspected, there’s not an inch of fat on him. His stomach muscles are clenched, creating ridges as they lead from his waist to his chest. The designs that cover him appear random at first—other than the golden dragon that emerges from his heart—but there’s a harmony to them. They seem to have been drawn by the same hand, each telling a different part of a single story through dragons and beasts and blades. It’s the scars that really catch my eye, though. They’re everywhere and the artist used them as the foundation for the most intricate tattoos. As if to celebrate and revere them.
I lift my gaze to search for him. And my heart finds its beat.
Fhord is watching me with an expression I never expected to see on his face, a mix of longing and deep pain.
When he realizes I can see him, truly see him, his lips twitch up for a split second and he casts his eyes down. “I didn’t have time to throw on a shirt,” he says as he lifts to his knees and reaches to the foot of his bed. His blanket drops to reveal the tight shorts he sleeps in and a generous bulge at his groin, impressive even without any excitement to fill it. I bite back the groan that rumbles in my chest as my mind conjures thoughts of his hard dick resting between my thighs.
For the briefest moment, I want to stop him from covering himself. My hand almost moves, and I have to take control of my mind—a mind that’s wholly occupied by his presence right now—to prevent it. A sigh escapes from me as his stomach flexes and a tunic drops over his shoulders to rest on his hips. He sits down again while I urge my galloping pulse to calm down. I’m afraid he can hear the effect he’s had on me.
I’m a reckless elf. And I really need to get away from this man.
“Do you want to talk about it?” His tone is gentle. He’s not the harsh, mean male I’ve come to know.
Yes. More than anything. But I can’t. Because telling him about my time in the caves would reveal too much. He’d learn I’m an elf, and he’s too close to the Kastali for me to ever risk that.
“It was just a nightmare.” The words come in a whisper.
“Are you okay?” His voice is still soft, quiet.
No, I’m not. But I can’t tell him that, either. “I’m fine.”
“I’m going to try to sleep some more. I’m right here if you need me.”
I dare to look at him again. His eyes still hold the worry I don’t want to see from him. We need to trust each other, but that’s as far as it can ever go. “Thank you.”
He lays down, but this time he’s facing me. He watches me a few moments, then closes his eyes and takes a deep inhale as I tuck myself back under my blanket. I can’t relax, though.
I thought after seeing the dragon, finding the source of the wails that have haunted me for a decade, I’d finally escape that fear. It won’t let me go. I wonder if it’s part of me now, doomed to forever visit me in nightmares.
Gods, I hate that Fhord saw that side of me. Saw my weakness. My fear. And I hate even more that I saw a part of him I want to know better—a person full of compassion, who doesn’t despise me. He’s annoying and such an asshole sometimes. I wish we could travel together in peace. Still, it’s better for both of us if he continues to push us apart.
I want him. I can’t deny that after tonight. But I can never have him.
I can never have any man while I’m trapped here.
