The Dróttning never told me about Sifa, but I know she’s spent the last decade searching for the first elf to escape the Nest. She never saw my little rabbit, thank fuck, but too many guards would recognize her. Even without that, though, the Dróttning would sense my bond with Sifa as soon as I embraced it. It would change me, and I’d never be able to construct a shield strong enough to hide such a fundamental part of me from the Dróttning.
Elf, I affirm in Tindera’s thoughts.Hidden, I reiterate. Not even Sifa can know that our mating bond lets me sense her true self. Just knowing an elf walks free in Vanatia is a death sentence. Even for me, loath as the Dróttning would be to have me killed.
Tindera blinks her eyes once, shuttering the sorrow she’d let creep in, and then turns back to Sifa.
Grateful. She wants me to help her speak with Sifa.
“Tindera knows you saved my life,” I explain. “She asked me to relay her thanks.”
Sifa’s responding smile is almost brighter than the torch I hold. “Can Tindera understand my words if I speak directly to her?”
“She can,” I affirm.
Sifa turns to Tindera, focusing on a single eye like so many riders do. She acts as if she’s spent time around dragons in the past and knows how to interact with them.
“You’re welcome, but I don’t need thanks for protecting him. We’re in this together. I’ll do all I can to keep him safe, just as I know he will me.”
Strong, Tindera tells me, her scrutiny never straying from Sifa.
“She is that,” I say out loud for Sifa’s benefit. “Tindera has seen into your heart, found your strength of will.”
Dangerous, Tindera adds. And I know exactly what she means. Sifa doesn’t threaten us physically. Her danger lies in her appeal. In the fact that she’s my mate, and I’m more attached to my little rabbit already than I ever wanted to be.
My response to Tindera is in my thoughts this time.I’ll keep her away from me, I promise.I won’t let myself get drawn into something that would threaten all of us.
I feel Tindera’s conflict. She wants me to have this, knows the emptiness I’ll carry for the rest of my life if I don’t. But she understands better than anyone what would happen if I gave in.Quandary, she says after a moment.
No, I respond, my thoughts sharper than I’d like.This isn’t some challenge we’ll work through. I can never have Sifa. I pause to make sure she can see my resolve.I will never let myself have her, I insist.
Quandary, Tindera repeats, her thoughts emphatic.
Willful creature, I say as I pat her snout. And then she turns to lead us deeper into the cave.
Chapter fifteen
Sifa
A Foolish, Foolish Elf
IknewIwouldn’tbeable to sleep, much as I need to.
I can’t yet smell the Nest, but my thoughts keep dredging up the scents I lived with for weeks. Some were constant—the reek of the dung they threw into the prisons; the sulfur of the brackish water that had accrued over centuries; the tang of blood, as one prisoner or another was returned from the ever-present torture sessions; the shit and piss we all lived in. I dread the stench more than anything, I think.
Odors always trigger my memories, my emotions, faster than any other sense.
Twice I drift off, only to jerk awake in the midst of one terror or another.
And then I feel, rather than see, Tindera. She’d disappeared overnight, perhaps returning to the Nest so she wouldn’t be missed. Now she’s returned. She moves slowly, cautiously, as though she doesn’t want to alarm me. Despite her bulk, she manages to creep closer to me without disturbing anyone else, even Fhord’s light snores continuing to echo through the chamber. When she gets close enough, she lays her head next to mine, letting me decide whether to touch her or not. I shift just enough to place her long snout against my back. And sleep finally takes me.
I can feel Fhord’s stare when I wake up. His gaze stirs the hairs on the back of my neck, drawing me from my dream of him. When I open my eyes, he’s watching me, an arm’s length between us. He looks down quickly, as if he’s loath to be discovered.
“Why are you watching me, Fhord?”
Then his gaze is on me again, his teeth appearing ever so briefly as the edges of his lips lift. “You’ve stolen my dragon from me, rabbit.”
Tindera’s still next to me, her snout giving me the comfort I needed to sleep. I can feel the side of her mouth lift, as if she’s smiling at Fhord’s remark.
“I see she doesn’t mind,” he adds after a moment. “Are you okay?”
