I take a deep breath, dragging my mind back to this cave. To here and now.
I try. I really do. I know I need to push those thoughts away—to stay with Fhord and Thyra and leave this place with them—but my urge to destroy Bolverkr is too deeply ingrained. It became a part of who I am. I could sooner staunch its control over me than I could stop breathing.
Inhaling deeply, my jaw shifts as my teeth grind against each other and my gaze flits around the cavern. I let the truth settle within me.
I may never get this chance again. I know what I have to do to put Bolverkr behind me. I need to hurt him. And then I need to end him. Maybe if he no longer walks this world, he’ll no longer haunt my dreams.
My eyes find Fhord, who’s staring at me in horror. He can feel my emotions. He realizes I’m about to do something reckless.
It doesn’t matter. I can’t let my tormentor go.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him, dropping the guard’s shoulder and racing to find Bolverkr. Fhord won’t be able to follow right away. We’re close enough to the cavern for him to get Thyra and the guard there. He’ll do that before he comes after me.
Still, I almost stop when his emotions chase me down the dark hall. I feel his disappointment. The hint of anger that grows the farther away I get. As I pause, though, something else rises in him. Acknowledgment. Acceptance. He may not know why, but he knows I need to do this.
My steps slow as Bolverkr approaches. For a moment, I feel like I’ll collapse, the weight of my wrath nearly pulling me to the ground. My hands tremble as I unsheathe two of my blades and I have to shift my attention to my breathing, slowing it down with each inhale and exhale.
Dredging up the shields I learned to construct to hide my mind from him, I focus on my steps, testing every movement forward before I commit. I’m terrified that a pebble will alert him and take my vengeance from me. Desperate to be done with this—done with him—and leave this place behind me.
In less than a minute, as I huddle in a splash of shadow along the wall, he appears. Just as he always did, he strides through the cavern as if nobody and nothing could hurt him. As if he has nothing to fear.
This moment makes it all worthwhile. I savor the taste of revenge, drowning out my memories of the coppery taste of my own blood in my mouth, the brackish semen they spilled down my throat, hands around my neck to make sure I took everything they forced into me. I might keep his puny little penis as my prize tonight. A reminder that I’m strong enough to take this from him.
I cast my thoughts out one more time to make sure he’s alone—that nobody’s close enough to hear his screams—and then step into the light. His eyes grow wide and then narrow, recognition floating through the air toward me. My smile is vicious as I cast my first knife and take out his right hand. He’s not nearly as adept with his left. The next blade carves into his cock, drawing out the squeal I need to hear as his red uniform darkens at the groin.
By the gods, this is every bit as satisfying as I hoped it would be. I don’t even try to hold back the laugh that erupts from me, throaty andmalicious as fuck. He needs to know how much I’m going to enjoy this.
“You.” Even with his injuries, his voice is as strong as I remembered, a commander dripping with authority. He pulls the knife from his balls with his left hand, shoving it into his belt before grasping the one in his right hand to yank it out. His gaze never leaves mine. My stomach flutters a bit as I watch the pain pass through him.
I nod as I halve the distance between us. His eyes remain sharp, his shoulders thrown back despite the agony that must be rippling through him. He’s still a dangerous man.
“I knew this day would come,” I tell him, my fingers pinched on the tips of the blades that will take his life. “It’s here sooner than I’d expected,” I admit, my smile somehow growing even wider. “Today’s a good day. For me.”
“You still can get away,” he spits out, his fingers clutching the handle of my weapon. “If you leave now, you’ll take your life with you.”
“Not before I take yours.” My next knife flips through the air to pierce one of his lungs. I hear the whoosh as his breath gusts out and he leans forward. I have to admire his restraint. No scream this time.
“Bitch,” he snarls. “I told them we needed to end you. Fucking idiots.”
“Why didn’t they? What did they think I would give them?” I never figured out how much they know about what landed in this world with me. If he can tell me, it’ll be worth an extra minute or two in this cavern.
His head rolls up, dark eyes finding mine. This is the moment I’ve been craving since I left this place. He knows he’ll die today.
“Fuck you,” he whispers, a harsh wheeze emerging with his malice. “You may have taken my life but you’ll take nothing else from me.”
I kick out my foot, finding the hand that holds my blade to wrench it free. He reaches for the knife in his chest but my other foot finds it first, twisting it before it tugs free to drop to the ground. A wave of pain rolls through him, and I wonder if I’ve ever seen anything more satisfying. The rock that formed in my stomach when I lived here sheds layers, lightening the heaviness I’ve carried all these years.
I breathe in, laughing again when I realize he shit his pants. About time.
My next blade impales his left hand, slicing through the tendons that would let him grasp a weapon. At last, he sinks to his knees, dropping his eyes to stare at the ground before they lift to find mine again. He knows his life belongs to me. But he still hasn’t let go of the anger, the need for someone else’s pain.
“You won’t leave here alive,” he whispers with a chilling grin. And then I feel the sweep of his psyche across mine, followed by the response of a half-dozen other guards, now alert to the attack.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck. I’d hoped to have more time to savor his death, but I need to escape more. I can’t be trapped here again.
Two steps carry me to him, his knees still on the ground, his neck arched so he can shoot spite at me while he still breathes. My spite, though, has a life of its own. It laughs at his pathetic attempt to intimidate me.
This is the memory I’ll drag up when my thoughts carry me back here. When I wake at night screaming, thrashing against the cords he wrapped around my wrists and ankles. When I can’t take the pain any longer and find some relief in my drifting mind.
