I can only watch as he stalks over to Astarot, examining the gaping hole the bolt made in his side. And then a cloth drops in front of my eyes as someone wraps a blindfold around my head.
“I need to see him,” I cry out, raising my hands to pull at the fabric. A large hand smacks mine, the impact hard enough to shove me onto my side. I stretch out my arms to push myself up, but he grabs my shoulder to push me back down.
“You need nothing. You’ll lay there until I let you up.”
He wants to hurt me. I’ve put all their lives at risk by helping Astarot escape. And even though Fhord seems to be the only one determined to get me to the Nest alive, I need him to focus on my dragon. I can’t drag his attention away from saving Astarot.
So I lay there. Broken. And I wait.
I have no idea how much time has passed when I feel hands yank at my wrists, dragging me up to stand. And then he’s shoving me … somewhere. My side still ripples with Astarot’s pain, and I’m struggling to stay upright as I stumble over the rocks and plants in our path. I have no fucking idea what’s going on, and it’s all I can do to keep from dropping back to the ground and wrapping myself into a fetal position.
Someone lifts my left leg, setting my foot into what feels like a stirrup. “Get up.”
“What are you doing?” Fhord calls out, his voice angry as I lift myself into the saddle.
“I’m taking her to the Nest,” a male snarls, little bits of spittle landing on my cheek when I turn toward Fhord’s voice. My stomach clenches, a wave of nausea rolling through me, because I recognize the asshole’s voice. It’s the guard who started this mess when he found us, and he must realize that Fhord knows me. That he lied to him.I’m so fucked.
“She’s my fucking prisoner, and I told you to hold her. I’ll deliver her directly to the Dróttning. Why the fuck do you think you have the right to do anything with her?”
I can hear Fhord’s frustration. He’s stuck with Astarot and can’t return me to the Nest himself. A smile emerges as I ponder the revenge I’ll take on him if he really has betrayed me—a nugget of hope I cling to as it starts to take shape in my thoughts. I hold many of Fhord’s secrets. He’s right to fear what I can do to him.
“I. Don’t. Fucking. Trust you.” The guard screams each word as he lashes me to the saddle, strapping my hands to the pummel and an ankle to each stirrup. “And I don’t answer to you. I’m taking her now. The rest of you help him get the dragon back when it’s strong enough to travel.” He pulls himself into the saddle behind me and I feel his heels shove into his horse’s side as he yanks the reins. Then we’re running. Fast.
I hold on to Astarot’s pain as long as I can. It feels like it’s ripping me apart physically, but that’s nothing compared to the ache in my gut that forms when our connection starts to slip. Bit by bit, the distance between us grows too great, until only the shadows of his pain remain. My side still aches, but the rest of me is a cavern, empty and cold. I’m terrified that when I lose the fire of his wound, I’ll never feel him again.
Perhaps an hour after I’m dragged away from my dragon’s side, the pain holding us together fizzles down to nothing. Our connection’s so new, or maybe Astarot’s so weak, I can’t even cling to the invisible string that ties dragons and riders. Casting out my thoughts, I search for Astarot, desperate to know he still lives. Instead, I find Fhord. My mind reels back from him—anger, pain and an overwhelming feeling of betrayal roaring to the surface—but I force it forward. If Fhord’s still working on Astarot, I should be able to tell, even from this distance.
But he’s got his walls up. His need to help Astarot—for Tindera, not for me—isn’t important enough to occupy his full attention. He’s rebuilt this barrier between us, holding me at bay and denying me this bit of knowledge about my dragon.
And I crumple. The hole that started in my gut has consumed me, a fire burning away any emotion I once thought I felt for Fhord. I am nothing but grief and pain and despair.
Because I’m returning to the Nest. As its prisoner. I know what’s waiting for me and I’m terrified. Not of the torture. I learned to live with pain when they held me before. No, not just live with it. I learned to savor the agony, to hold on to it, like I clung to Astarot’s torment when our connection frayed. Pain is life. When it disappears, life soon follows.
No, I fear the rack. Those hours and days will never leave me. The horror of being stretched out and displayed. The agony but worse, the violation of having little dicks and large instruments shoved into me—into every part of me—while men and women laugh at my panic. When I escaped, I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to lay with a man. To trust someone enough to risk living through that again.
Now, Fhord’s taken that from me too. I trusted him.
I can’t hold back the tears as I realize that his betrayal hurts even more than everything I suffered in the Nest.
Shaking my head, I wrest my thoughts away from him. None of this matters, I realize, since they’ll probably send me directly to an elven prison. Before, they were able to keep my presence in the Nest secret. Only the Dróttning and her chosen torturers and guards knew I’m an elf. But I told Fhord—a mistake that makes my stomach clench whenever I think of it—and he’s got no reason to keep my secret. The Dróttning won’t have a choice. Elves aren’t held in human prisons.
That frightens me more than anything. At least I know what to expect in the Nest. The Vanatians are predictable, and I’ve faced their punishment before. I have no idea what faces me in an elven prison.
“Stop.” A voice I don’t recognize draws me from my malaise. “You don’t have permission to be here.”
“This is the bitch that freed the dragon,” my captor sneers. “I’m turning her in.”
“And where’s the dragon?” This man likes the authority he wields, a hurdle to anyone seeking access to one of the most protected places in Vanatia.
“Injured, several vikus back. I left him to be handled by others while I take her to the commander.”
“How do I know she is who you claim? She doesn’t look strong enough to steal a dragon from a trainer.”
“I don’t know how the fuck she did it and I don’t care. I found her with the dragon. And I’m taking her to the Nest. Do you want to be the man that stopped me from turning her in? You gonna send me back to my squad, maybe give her a chance to escape?”
The silence holds for a few seconds, as a burst of hope rises in me. If he takes me someplace else, I may be able to escape. Nothing other than the elven prisons are as secure as the Nest.
“All right,” the guard agrees at last. “Proceed.”
