He nods his head, glancing down. But his shoulders are still stiff, stubborn elf that he is.
“Nerthus didn’t stop when she sent us to Helheim,” I remind him. “She took control of Vanatia and its dragons, manipulating them for centuries as she governed every part of their lives. That bitch chose who would ride every dragon in this land, denying them their fate-chosen bonds. When they didn’t comply, she tortured them mercilessly. I’d want to kill you too if I were Astarot, for suggesting that his rider is worse than Nerthus.”
“But that’s not why my dragon’s angry, is it?” Sifa rumbles the question and I feel it in my bones. The subtle push of her mind against mine reminds me that she is very good at wielding her talent. Nothing inside me moved, but as her will shot out to frighten Svend, the ripple of her power convinced me that the world shook with her words. “Astarot’s still too enraged to tell me what you did, but a few words are not what angered him.”
Now, the stubborn elf casts his gaze down, perhaps in remorse but more likely in an attempt to compose himself before he admits whatever he’s holding back. He exhales, jerking his head from one side to the other and then back again. “I may have asked another elf what Nerthus used to control the dragons.” He pauses again and I wonder whether he’s weighing the risks of disclosing the rest or holding it back.
Finally, Svend huffs out another breath—quick and full of frustration—before looking directly at Sifa. “I need to go back,” he tells her, his voice cracking on the last word. “I don’t belong here now. Helheim is my home. Your dragon heard mesuggest that one of the beasts could carry me there, if I found a way to coerce it.”
I spin my head to look at Sifa, because I’d be throwing my blade at Svend for that heresy. She’s a good elf, though. Much more forgiving than me. She smirks, cocking her head to the side. “Yeah, that would piss him off. The dragons are sensitive about her. How she controlled them. What she did to them.” Her voice drops with the last few words, vibrating with the rage that probably never will go away. I didn’t see how the bitch controlled these majestic beasts, but I’ve heard enough to understand. Some may never recover from the trauma.
“I wouldn’t have done anything,” Svend sputters, his light skin somehow growing even more pale. “I was frustrated.” His face collapses, every muscle giving up at once, drawing his jaw and cheeks, even the dark circles beneath his watering eyes, toward the ground. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Every one of us feels it,” I toss in as I take a step closer. “We spent hundreds of years there, just existing, misery all around. Our bonds with our dragons cleaved when that bitch entombed us but denied us the death that could have united us again. It sucked out pieces of our souls. We’ll never get those back.”
“But your dragons still live,” Svend exclaims, his hands flinging into the air as he glares at each of us, one by one. “I’ve heard the whispers. I know you feel them again. That link you grieved isn’t gone. Mine. Is.” The last two words emerge as a harsh whisper, full of despair. “Even here, I have no bondwith Borth. He’s dead. He must be. And I want only to return home.”
“You’re not alone?” Sifa asks, her gaze spinning toward me. “Others have sensed their dragons?”
“I’m the only one who’s certain,” I explain, casting a quick glare at Svend before I turn back to Sifa. “I didn’t mention the others because most have decided to ignore it. They don’t want to hope for the impossible.” A snort erupts from my gut without warning as I swing my arms out and spin toward the largest group. “But what if it’s possible?” I whisper, holding the gaze of the elf most likely to join my lunacy, a male who’d already lived too long to give a fuck when we all got dragged to Helheim.
He smiles at me before turning toward Sifa and Fhord. “I don’t know what Finaan is planning, but I’ll be joining her in whatever it is. I couldn’t die in Helheim. I can here. My life isn’t worth living if my dragon doesn’t share it with me.”
Nobody speaks, the truth in his declaration settling into me. I suspect we all feel the same, dealing with the loss of our dragons in our own way. I don’t know what I’m planning either, but I do know he’s right. If I don’t scratch this itch—chase down the bond that was tethered to my soul before Nerthus sent me to Helheim—I’ll soon be craving death too.
***
Dani’s smile and wave catch me before I can back away. The fire they’re sitting around brings out the blue in her eyes and I can’t help but smile back.
“Join us,” she murmurs, scooting a little closer to Astrid, who cuddles under the arm of her lover Jorunn. It’s not a coincidence that the space they open for me is between Dani and Sifa. They’ve been taking the lead in trying to get me to soften to them. “It’s good to see you here,” Dani adds with a smile.
My shoulders lift in a shrug before I decide how to respond. “I need to spend more time with friends.”
“You chose a good place to start,” Jorunn rumbles, taking Astrid’s hand in hers. “These are the best.”
“We are the best,” Dani corrects with a wink. “Because you’re part of this group. And one of the best friends I could want.” Her hand lifts to rest on a beautiful blade she always keeps with her. The scabbard has copper dragons flying across it—a tribute to Dani’s copper beast—in the most intricate and magical design I’ve ever seen. If I had a sword like that, I’d probably never take it off, either.
Jorunn scowls at her but doesn’t respond, drawing another wink and a smile from Dani.
“We’ve been talking about you,” Sifa tells me as she lifts her hands to warm them at the fire blazing in their center. “Well, your bond with your dragon, and whether she might still live.”
“I know it doesn’t make sense,” I say, “but I have no doubt. She’s alive somewhere. Fhord’s right that I need to settle into my life here. We’ve waited this long and can wait a bit longer. But I’m not letting this go. I can’t. Not if there’s any chance.”
“We’d never ask it, despite Fhord’s outburst this morning.” Sifa rolls her eyes as the rest of the group grumbles about thepissy male they’re all devoted to. “What have the others told you? They’re not as certain as you, but they’ve felt something too?”
“We all felt something shift as we left Helheim, although I don’t think anyone realized it until later. The chaos we arrived to…”
“That’s a gentle word for it,” Dani interjects, a touch of humor in her tone. “I would have said clusterfuck, but I’m a bit more crass than you.”
“A bit?” I ask as I quirk an eyebrow at her.
“Perhaps more than a bit,” she concedes. “But we can go with chaos.”
I nod, unable to stop my smile. This is what I needed—sitting by the fire with these females who’ve befriended me. “Everything happened so fast,” I continue, letting my thoughts carry me back to the day that brought another seismic shift to my life. “We were in Helheim, doing what we always did—not a single fucking thing.”
“I’m rubbing off on you, aren’t I?” Dani asks with a little nudge of her shoulder.
“More than I like to admit.” I bump her back and then turn again to Sifa. “And then we were here, and trying to figure out how to destroy Nerthus. Fantasies of yanking out her heart were the only thing that kept me moving sometimes in Helheim but I never thought I’d get the chance.”
