Even if she wanted it—although I think she’d stop herself before giving in to this need we both have—I wouldn’t let her. My impulse to push her away when she reached for the bond is an iron shackle, unbreakable. And it shocks the fuck out of me, because I’ve wanted nothing more since the moment I realized she’s mine. I won’t cause her that kind of pain, though. She’ll suffer when my life ends, but not nearly as much as she would if we cement our bond.
My kiss slows, the desperation to claim her spilling away, replaced by a calm, steady … love.
Fuck me.
I love her.
I didn’t think I was capable, didn’t know such a pure emotion could ever live in my corrupted heart. Hel’s discipline stripped me bare, exposing a soul I thought burned to ashes long ago. My former mistress unleashed a devotion to my skjaldmær far more fervent and durable than the shallow pledge I once made to that evil bitch.
Dragging my lips away from Finaan’s, I inhale three of her breaths and the sigh she offers me as she opens her eyes. We stand there, still as a summer’s dawn, wrapped around each other and not yet ready to let go. Perhaps she realizes too that there will be no more kisses between us again. This moment is the best we’ll have.
But it’s time to let it go.
I lean toward her, touching my lips to her forehead, and then step back. I don’t break the connection between us yet. Her hands haven’t moved, and I’ll let myself enjoy this touch as long as she lets herself take it.
“Consider your payment made,” I murmur. “Let’s not have this conversation here. We’re still too close to Garmr, and I don’t trust him to stay trapped. We’ll clean ourselves and then find a cave far away to talk about what the dragons know or believe. Why they think I’m to be involved.”
My beautiful, stubborn skjaldmær nods and releases the cheeks she’s still holding, stepping away from me. “Thank you,” she tells me with the saddest smile I’ve ever seen. She’s grieving for me and what I plan to do already, even if she doesn’t know exactly what I intend. She’ll survive my death, though. That’s the only thing that matters.
We finish quickly, an urgency capturing us as everyone recalls what Hel’s hound is capable of. And then I turn to the purple dragon, who’s been much more patient with me than I deserve.
I don’t even recognize myself any longer, and I can’t be upset about it. I’ve been a prick for a very long time. Now, I’m a little bit less of a prick.
Will you carry us?
You would ride me?Their expression is passive, but I hear confusion and surprise in the words.Your beast would allow it?
Wrath is trapped too deeply to object. He’ll be angry when Hel unleashes him … if Hel unleashes him … but that’s between him and me. We need to travel more quickly than we can on foot to put space between us and the mutt. Will you carry us?
Now their expression shifts, the corners of their lips lifting as the edges of their eyes soften.Nothing would please me more, they tell me.
Why?I ask, unable to help myself.Why would you put up with an asshole like me? Bond or not, I’d have rejected you long ago if you treated me the way I’ve treated you.
Ruxi doesn’t answer right away, watching me as if they’re considering their response.I’ve known you for a very long time, rider. I’ve captured traces of the conflict that rages inside you, the need that has driven your beast as long as he’s lived. When we fought, I felt him, could sense his control of your body. It’s you I most vividly recall, though.
You couldn’t have felt me,I dismiss.When Wrath claimed our body, he buried me so deeply, no part could escape. Whatever you think you know of me is wrong.
It’s you who’s wrong, rider. Your soul called to mine. I felt your frustration, but more than that, I felt your need. He was killingyou, slowly and inexorably destroying every good part of the male you were born to be. And it broke my heart. I’ve been grieving for you ever since.
You’ve been mourning someone who never existed, I insist.I don’t know what you felt, but I know as surely as I know my name that I was nothing, lower than the lowest beast, before Finaan unearthed the only good part of me that ever existed. I was never a good male.
Perhaps that is what you now believe, after so long in Hel’s clutches. But I know who you are, rider. The fates did not err when they bound us. I have never regretted our pairing.
Even when I bound you to Hel with the other dragons?I scoff. They know what I did, how much all of the beasts have suffered because of me.
Even then, they claim.
I watch the dragon the fates chose for me, searching for the lie in their expression, the emotions I can catch hints of, despite my rejection of our bond. I don’t find it, but I still don’t believe them.It doesn’t matter, I declare.Forget I asked. We’ll fly with you. Can the wyrm keep up?
Glow is ours now. She will stay with us.
I don’t know what the fuck that means, and I don’t care. They’ll all be leaving without me soon anyway.
Finaan is hesitant at first—she deplores the idea of riding Ruxi—but she gives in. Something about being with me makes it easier for her to accept. We’re in the air quickly, and the wyrm stays with us, as Ruxi knew she would. The water was one of the many places across these caves where Yggdrasill’sroots appear, imbuing it with the tree’s magic. It restored all of us, cleansing away our wounds and every bit of fatigue, while feeding us in a way only the tree can. The dragon and wyrm will be able to travel for a very long time, which might get us far enough away from Garmr to rest when they need it.
Unfortunately, it’ll feed and sustain the dog too. When he frees himself—and he will—he’ll follow our tracks to that pond and get everything he needs to chase us to the end of this world and into the next.
There’s a reason Hel chose him.
