He’d called to talk, but the words weren’t there yet. A few moments passed with him not speaking and Raul not saying anything either. The storm arrived while he sat there silent, rain pelting the glass and thunder shaking the walls. Ji-Su squeezed the phone, determined to keep hold of his fear of storms so he could have this conversation.
“I guess I should say something.”
“You don’t have to. We can sit here in silence as long as you need to.”
Ji-Su did exactly that while he gathered his thoughts. The reminder that Raul had never once pressured him to do anything helped soothe some of his turmoil. After taking a deep breath, he was ready.
“I was shocked that night,” he softly began the conversation. “Maybe if I had known what you planned to do to Cedric ahead of time it wouldn’t have hit me so hard. But to see you covered in blood and hear you coldly say you killed him...” Ji-Su trailed off, remembering his horror seeing the evidence that Raul had committed murder. “The abrupt switch from your usual personality to murderer was too much to handle.”
“I can understand that. That must have been terrifying for you.”
“It was.” Ji-Su nodded even though Raul couldn’t see him. “But honestly, the fear faded pretty quickly. After that I was mad because I felt like I’d been tricked.”
A rough sigh came over the line.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have downplayed what I do. I didn’t want you to see the ugly side of my business because I wanted to protect you.”
“Was that the only reason you kept it from me?” Ji-Su’s shoulders tightened as he waited for Raul’s answer, hoping he would be fully honest with him.
“No, that wasn’t the only reason. You’re sweet, and innocent of the life I live. Selfishly, I didn’t want to scare you away by telling you the complete truth.”
“Like you thought I would leave if you told me you wanted to have rough sex.”
“Yes.”
The tension in Ji-Su’s shoulders eased. He thought that Raul was finished but he continued on.
“I want you in my life more than I’ve ever wanted anything else,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. “But I know I’m the wrong person for you. You’re sweet and good. And I’m a bad man. I hurt people. Kill them when I feel it’s necessary. And because I’m a bad man, I was willing to lie to you in order to keep you with me. I’m sorry that my lie ended up hurting you. I should have told you the truth as soon as we became intimate.”
Ji-Su was glad to have Raul apologize and acknowledge what he’d done wrong. But his guilt over Cedric’s death was still embedded deep in his chest. Like a shard of glass he couldn’t pull out. “I wish that Cedric didn’t die because of me,” he said aloud.
“Hey, don’t say that,” Raul gently chided. “It wasn’t your fault. Cedric is dead due tohisactions. I gave him multiple warnings to leave you alone. He didn’t heed them. Cedric was determined to hurt you. And when he couldn’t get to you physically, he decided to hurt and humiliate you in the nastiest way possible. I’m glad I took that fucker out. And I’d do it again if I had to.”
At Raul’s fierce declaration, Ji-Su slid from the edge of the bed onto the floor. Why did Raul saying he was glad he’d killed Cedric make him feel warm and protected? He should be repulsed at the violence. But... he wasn’t. What was it that Solan had said? He wanted someone on his side who would do what was necessary to keep him safe. After days of thinking about it, Ji-Su realized he wanted that too. While he wouldn’t celebrate another man’s death, he was glad that Raul had protected him. Avenged him. Kept him safe.
Raul’s voice was gentle when he spoke next.
“I want to ask you something.”
“Go ahead.”
“Remember when you first came to the ranch and I told you to trust your instincts?”
“Yes.”
“Your instincts helped you act to get away from Cedric when you needed to. Are they telling you to stay away from me?”
Ji-Su closed his eyes and thought. His initial reaction to learning that Raul had killed Cedric had been to run away. But he didn’t feel that way anymore. He wanted to go back to Raul. He’d trusted Raul from the moment he’d rescued him from the side of the highway. And now, he realized that he still trusted him.
As soon as that realization settled in his heart, the storm of confusion within him began to clear. Outside however, the thunderstorm grew stronger. Lightning cracked, the sharp noise and bright white light making him gasp and nearly drop his phone.
“Are you okay?” Raul asked in concern.
“Yeah. It’s the storm.” He cleared his throat then sheepishly asked a question. “Maybe you could come here for a little while?”
When Raul didn’t answer for several seconds, Ji-Su assumed he was looking for a polite way to say no. “Never mind. I’m sure you don’t want to drive all the way out here in the middle of the storm.”
Raul softly chuckled.
