I don’t want to get into the details. The reasons I’m willing to settle down in a place like this. A town just a short drive from Portland, the place where I grew up and, until this past year, only returned to once or twice a year if I could help it.
“Wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t sure,” I add.
I meet Sean’s eye and watch him nod once, picking up his beer to chug half of it. He sets it back down with athunk. “I really don’t mean to be a pain in the ass. I just want to make sure you’ve thought it all through. If you need an out, this is it. You can walk right now and I won’t hold it against you.”
“I don’t need an out.”
“Good,” Sean nods. “I’m still hoping I can convince you to be my partner.” Noticing the apprehension on my face, he raises his hands. “Not right now,” he assures me. “I’ll give you the few months we agreed on.”
The idea of Sean and I being partners started with a few offhanded comments here and there. Once he realized his dream of opening up his own place was soon going to be a reality, though, he asked me seriously if I’d ever consider it. He knows I’m skittish about finally settling down, so he never made me a formal offer or anything. We talked about it a bit and agreed on a trial period of sorts. He’s going to involve me in some of the decision making and give me some time to make sure I’m really going to stay. If a few months in, I’m happy with how things are going and plan to make Port Myles my home long-term, we’ll talk a bit more seriously about adding me on as his partner and part owner of Immortal Ink.
To be honest, I don’t know what I’d say if he were to ask me right now. Moving to a small town and working at a new shop is one thing. Being partownerof said shop, and being tied to this place permanently, is another. Sean knows it, too, which is why I’ve had to assure him I’m not going anywhere no less than forty-five times.
And I get it, I really do. I haven’t exactly been reliable over the years. I never had a stable home life growing up and that’s continued into adulthood, but at least it’s by my own choice now. When I stay in the same place for too long, things start to feeloff. I get agitated and antsy, like even after all these years, I know that the peace can’t last too long before disaster strikes. So before it can happen, I do what I do best.
I run.
I ran from Portland all those years ago, nineteen years old and thinking I knew everything I needed to know about the world. I’ve been making my way through the big cities in the northeast ever since – Boston, New York, Philly and so on.
Sean doesn’t know that I didn’t just decide on a whim that I want to settle here, in a small town close to home. He knows I grew up in Portland but doesn’t know why I left and stayed gone. Definitely doesn’t know about the years of therapy it’s taken me to get to this point, ready to plant some roots and finally let them take hold for once. And it’s no coincidence that I’m doing it here, in a town just thirty minutes from the apartment my mother rents in Portland.
I can hear my therapist’s voice in my head now.It’s okay to let people in, Deja would say. She would want me to tell Sean what’s going on. Hell, he’s the closest thing I have to a best friend.
Something stops me, though. Rome wasn’t built in a day, isn’t that how the saying goes? And apparently, an entire childhood worth of shit isn’t undone with six years of therapy.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I finally tell Sean. I know he’s going to need me to prove it to him, but for now, my words will have to be enough. “I know you have no reason to believe me, because I haven’t given you one. But trust me on this – I’m sticking around. Next town barbeque? Sign me up. The library needs some cookies for their bake sale? I’ll bake some fucking cookies. Whatever you need me to do to show you I’m here to stay, I’ll do it.”
Sean studies my face for a moment, then bursts out laughing. “I’d pay good money to see you in an apron baking cookies.”
“That a fetish of yours?” I joke with a wink.
“Not if your ugly mug is the one wearing it.”
“Fuck off,” I mutter, taking a sip of my Coke.
Sean grins, the tension gone now. “Alright,” he concedes. “This is the last you’ll hear of it from me. If you say you’re in, let’s do this.”
“Yeah?”
“Fuck yeah.” He holds his hand out and we shake on it.
Sean still needs to meet with George next week to hammer out the details, but it sounds like half of the first floor of the building is his, if he’s willing to lease instead of buy it. The upstairs even has a couple apartments that will be livable with some fixing up, so that answers the question of where I’ll be living. George said if I want one of them, he’ll rent it out to me.
Ready or not, here we go.
“Sounds like he’s going to lease the other half to the woman he showed it to before us,” Sean says offhandedly as he taps out a text on his phone. “Can’t remember what her name is.”
“Elsie,” I reply automatically.
He pauses his typing for a beat, studying my face. “Yeah, that was it. Seems like a sweet girl, the way George talks about her. Be nice to her, yeah?”
“Be nice to her?” I scoff, as if I haven’t thought of at least six different ways I’d like to defile her. “When will I even have to talk to her again?”
“We’re going to be working in the same building, plus we’ll have a shit load of renovations to do over the next couple months,” Sean reminds me. I had promised to help him with whatever he needs to get the shop up and running. “I’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot of her.”
I can’t help the way my jaw clenches and my hand tightens around my glass at that idea. I only met her for a few minutes, but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t given a second thought to that long dark braid she tossed over her shoulder when she was pissed off, or the sweet smile she tossed Sean’s way when they were introduced. The glower she reserved for me.
“I promise not to bite. Unless she asks for it,” I add with a wink.
