I tried to keep pity out of my eyes as I smiled sadly at him. “Not nearly as difficult as it is for you.” I took a step toward him. “I want you to know, Graham, that you can trust me. I will do everything I can to help you regainyourmemories. I won’t try to push my own memories on you or pressure you to believe what I do.” I clasped my hands infront of me. “That being said, I should be honest and tell you that the letter I spoke of…the one that drove me to find you…in it, you broke off our engagement.”
Graham blinked a few times, then shifted his weight. “Then why would you come find me? It sounds like our relationship wasn’t very strong.”
That was a blow to my heart, and my pride. I gave a short laugh. “Yes, I suppose from an outside perspective that makes sense.” It was strange to admit he was now an outsider to our past. I sighed. “But you’ve been gone three years. We became engaged before you left for the West Indies. And we lost contact two years ago. The next thing I heard from you was this letter that you sent through your business partner, Mr. Ashby.”
“I sent Arthur there with that letter?”
I nodded. “Yes, which made it worse. If you’d come yourself and told me that you no longer wished to marry me, I could’ve accepted it. But you wrote that you wouldn’t marry me because your business failed and you didn’t want to force me into poverty.”
“I see.” He rubbed his chin. “That sounds reasonable. Why would you wish to live in poverty?” His tone was flat, almost disinterested. He had no emotional connection to our conversation.
My mouth hung open as I stared at him. I closed it, then opened it again. “Because I didn’t care how wealthy you were. I wanted to marry you because I loved you.” Pausing, I realized my mistake. “Iloveyou. I always have. And I always will.”
“It doesn’t make sense to me that you would cross an ocean for someone who ended your engagement.”
“Of course it wouldn’t make sense to you.” I felt myself getting irritated. This entire conversation was humiliating. He made it seem as ifI were a naive, irrational person. “We were truly in love. At least…that’s what I always thought.”
He watched me with sad eyes that seemed to show a mixture of pity and guilt.
“She’s right,” Mr. Ashby said as he joined us in the corridor. I almost jumped from his sudden appearance. Seeing him so soon after our regrettable mistake made my stomach clench. He glanced at me, then spoke to Graham. “I know better than anyone how much you loved Elsie Findlay.”
Graham looked between us, nodding. “Then can you explain to me why I would end our engagement?”
“I can tell you what you said in your letter, but I can’t fathom why you would discard someone so…special. To you.” My heart stuttered at his words.
We couldn’t finish our conversation, because a half dozen more voices grew louder as they entered the house. It seemed the crew had returned from the mission as well. Graham bowed to me briefly and then joined them. I turned to watch him go and felt Mr. Ashby beside me. It was a strange sensation, to be close to him after what happened. Like the air between us was filled with static. It made my skin buzz and my heart race.
I couldn’t continue to stand there with him in that small corridor, so I moved toward the group gathered at the entryway. Captain Whitmore, Elizabeth, Mary Bowers, Nathaniel Ward, and Mr. Weiss and his wife were happily speaking with each other. Lottie came to insist they take their shoes off, as the floors had just been polished that morning. Indeed, everyone’s shoes were covered in muck—whether it was mud or manure, I couldn’t be sure. They seemed to have trudged through difficult terrain.
“We are so pleased to have you here, Mr. Weiss,” Mrs. Bowers said to the bishop. “And you, too, Mrs. Weiss. You’re very brave to cross the sea with your husband.”
Mrs. Weiss stood straighter than she had on the ship, when she was overcome by fear. “I admit to being a bit of a coward,” she said, laughing lightly. “But I couldn’t let my Henry come all the way here doing the Lord’s work without me.” She hugged her husband’s arm.
“Why don’t you rest in the sitting room while we ready everything for the celebration?” Mrs. Bowers motioned toward the sitting room to the right of the front door.
“Celebration?” I asked.
“Oh, Miss Findlay, there you are,” Mrs. Bowers greeted me. “I was just about to send Lottie up to get you.” She took my hand as easily as if we’d known each other for years. “We’ll have a grand celebration tonight for Mr. and Mrs. Weiss. We came back from the mission to get ready for it. Will you join us?”
“I’d be delighted,” I responded. “I’ll find Patrice and let her know. Is there anything I can do to prepare?”
Mrs. Bowers thought for a moment. “Can you sing?”
I laughed. “Very poorly, I must admit.”
“Then never mind. You can just sit and enjoy it.” She squeezed my arms and turned away to speak to someone else.
Before I left to find Patrice, I noticed Graham standing with Elizabeth. They were smiling so widely at each other, I had an awful suspicion it was an intimate moment between them. No, that couldn’t be. Graham couldn’t have fallen for another, even if he had lost his memories of me. I turned too quickly and bumped into Mr. Ashby; I hadn’t realized he was so close behind me. I looked up into his face. He must have seen what distressed me, for when he glanced toward Graham and returned his gaze to me, I saw his face harden. He lookedas if he would march right over to Graham and protect me from heartbreak.
Of course he knew taking action wouldn’t help anything, so he didn’t move. Instead, feeling his adamant disapproval of whatever their relationship might be caused a sort of calm to settle over me.
“Do not fret, Miss Findlay. He will soon discover what he has lost, and nothing else will matter but you.” He met my eyes again, this time with the kind of sympathy one receives from a partner. Someone who understands your innermost thoughts and feelings.
“Thank you, but I’m not worried about anything. Excuse me, I’m going to find Patrice. I’ll…see you at the celebration.”
He nodded and I walked away from him, half hoping he’d follow and half dreading it. He stayed there, however, and I went to fetch Patrice on my own.
Chapter 23
