Itry not to take what she said personally when I get home but there’s a feeling in my chest that I can’t ignore. I know she needs to practice, especially with all the pressure that her mom puts on her, but something feels off.
Maybe it’s because I’ve never seen her like this before and I’m slowly getting attached to her. This is the first time I’ve been around another person who plays a sport that they’ve dedicated their lives to. This showcase is so important to her. If this goes badly then she might not be able to skate again.
I’ve told her before that it would be fine if she did. If she did something else. But she pushed the idea away. She pushed me away. “It’s all or nothing, Miles,” she said once. I believe that she puts her all into everything she does even just in practices, but she can’t see it. She only notices the tiny flaws and the unnoticeable mistakes.
Sometimes, people think she's mean or insane. I think she's fucking brilliant.
I just wish she could see herself the way I see her.
CHAPTER 23
MILES
I'm trying my best to convince myself that Wren and I are fine. I’m back on the team, even though I haven’t played my first game yet, and Wren’s showcase is coming up. She’s been training like an insane person so that’s why it took a lot of convincing for her to come along to this interview at Sophia’s house.
I’ve been friends with Sophia for as long as I can remember and she has been in her, what she calls, ‘influencer era’ for years. Becoming the leader of the NU Press has given her the perfect opportunity to make her dreams real. She gets to interview students from different subjects and by the end of our fourth year, she’s aiming to create a huge graduation video to show everyone. Since the hockey season is about to start, she’s coming around our team to interview everyone. The only thing about Sophia and this project is that she’s kept it very secret. We’ve had mini interviews before that she posts on Instagram and TikTok but since this is her big project, we’re interviewed and won’t get to see it until it’s completed.
She sets up her house into a comfortable interviewing space and the team and usually their other friends and partners join us so we can hang out afterwards. I know Wren’s not going to enjoy the whole socialising aspect of today so I try and get us there early.
We’re now driving towards Sophia’s house and Wren isn’t doing that angry humming thing. Instead, she’s silent, no doubt in her head about the showcase. Which is even more concerning because Taylor Swift is playing. I turn up‘New Romantics’ and her face doesn’t even crack.
“Hey, can I ask you a question?” I ask.
“If I say no, are you going to ask me anyway?” she retorts. I glance at her and catch her playing with one of her french braids.
“Yes,” I say. “What would be the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?”
She laughs a little, the sound rushing through me like a gentle wave. “These questions are getting more and more random,” she says, but I shoot her a glance to continue. “I’d buy me and the girls a house where we could each have our own wing and then order as much pizza as possible.”
I grin. “Not even a salad? Wren, you animal.”
She laughs agai. “If I’ve won the lottery then I wouldn’t skate professionally. Just for fun. So I wouldn’t need to watch what I eat.”
“Do youwantto skate professionally? Like, the Olympics and all that.”
She sighs a little. “I don’t see that as my end goal. I don’t know… It’s hard to explain.”
We get to Sophia’s house and I park on the sidewalk, not wanting to end this conversation just yet. I turn to her as she stares straight ahead. I can’t have her pushing me away again. I need to let her know that she can open up to me and we can actually have real conversations. “Can you try?”
She turns to me now, propping her leg up on the seat to get more comfortable. “I know everybody who skates at college dreams of competing on Team USA but I can’t see myself doing that. I can see myself skating and when it stops being fun, I’m going to stop. If that’s five years from now or in five days, I’m not going to force myself to skate. I know it sounds stupid and it seems like I have no direction but really I’m fine with just-”
“Seeing where life takes you?” I say, finishing her sentence and she nods, allowing herself to be vulnerable with me. “I get that and you don’t need to be afraid of admitting that. Not everyone has a five year plan like Xaiver does about the NHL.”
She nods again, glancing over to the house and then back to me. “Thank you for understanding that. And I just want to say that I am trying. With this, I mean. I’ve just got a lot going on right now and it’s hard to get out of my head sometimes.”
“You can let me into your brain, Wren. I’m never going to judge you.”
“I know that but this is something I need to work on on my own.”
She’s clearly keeping something from me and it’s not just stress about the showcase. It’s something more that she isn’t telling me but I don't push her on it and scare her away.
“Do you remember what I said at the Drive-In?” I ask. “When you stress out about this, you stress me out. So please, can you relax for me? Soph will be able to tell something is wrong and your show is coming up.”
She unbuckles her seatbelt. “Thanks for the reminder,” she murmurs and I roll my eyes at her.
Sophia’s house looks even bigger in the daylight. I used to spend most of my days here when I was nose deep in bourbon. She’s one of the lucky kids who have always had a close relationship with their parents and have a childhood home near campus so she never had to move out.
When I get out of my side of the car, I grab Wren’s hand in mine and she melts into me. We’ve finally got over the first awkwardness of holding hands in public and afterthatkiss, we’ve become more comfortable around each other’s bodies. We step up onto the porch and I pause for a second, knowing that inside is going to be a hell of hockey players.
