“I do.”
“Then why aren’t you there?” I ask, turning around to see him.
“Because I want to be here instead,” he whispers. He kisses me softly on the lips and I mould into him. He moves his lips around mine and I gently bite at his bottom lip. I laugh and pull away.
“You need to go to practice, and I need to get going anyway,” I say, skating towards the exit of the rink. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Wait!” he shouts after me when I sit on the bench outside the rink. He stumbles out of the exit and sits down next to me. “You told me to remind you about the sports achievement evening this weekend – so this is your reminder.”
“Oh shit, yeah,” I say, kissing him on the cheek for the reminder. “Thank you, Milesy. I’ll order a dress tonight. I wouldn’t want to miss you fangirling over NU alumni.”
*
Iwalk into my mom’s house and it’s eerier that I thought. I half expected her to welcome me with a dramatic monologue in a candlelit room but instead it looks creepier than usual. Creepier than the fantasises I made up on the way here.
I’ve always felt off being here since the divorce. I know it’s never been my home in a sense but something else hangs in the air.
“Mom?” I call out but nobody responds. I walk through the kitchen, and I can’t see anybody. I wander through the living room and the den and still, nobody is there until I get to the dining room which leads out to the backyard and pool.
I spot the back of my mom’s blonde head first, stood next to one of the lounge chairs, staring out to the pool. When I get closer, I hear another voice, a female voice. I slide open the door, walking carefully out onto the patio.
“Austin?” I ask, my voice suddenly sounding miles away.
Sure enough, my gorgeous brunette older sister turns around. Her heart shaped face is luminous. She’s always had flawless and striking features, but this pregnancy has given that a whole new meaning. It’s even more jarring when I haven’t seen her in person in years. I can hear my heart thumping against my ribs.Dum, dum. Dum, dum.
She gives me a side glance before turning back away from me. “What are you doing here?”
“You’re late,” my mom interrupts, not looking up at me either.
“I’m not. I was trying to find you in the house. You could have told me you were out here.”
“Oh, so this is my fault?” she replies. I almost laugh at her absurdity. Why does she always make it difficult to deal with her? She has always been one for the dramatics and to make things seem worse than they are. I make the brave decision to take a seat next to them, while Austin still stands away from me.
“What’s going on?” I ask cautiously.
“When were you going to tell me that Austin’s pregnant?” My mom's piercing blue eyes stare into mine and my breath catches. I’ve been avoiding it in hopes that Austin would tell her. I don’t know how this has been flipped on me.
“It slipped my mind. I’m so sorry,” I say wearily. This is starting to feel like an ambush. My mom gives me a long look without saying anything, just letting her gaze sink into me before walking back into the house.
What the fuck is going on?
I’m left alone with Austin, and I don’t know what to say. We haven’t spoken since she told me she was pregnant. The same day that she told meIhad to tell mom. That I had to carry the weight of that secret and accept the repercussions.
“I asked you to tell her and you couldn’t even do that, Wren. I had to fly out here and tell her myself. I told you that I didn’t want to do that,” Austin turns to me, showcasing her small bump. Her voice is steady and more dejected than angry.
“I’m confused as to how this ismyfault. You’re a grown fucking woman, Austin. You shouldn’t have asked me to tell her in the first place,” I say back, sounding more bitter than I intended.
“I was going to figure it out. I told you to just do one thing for me. Do you have any idea how I awful I feel? I could barely stomach the look of disgust on her face,” Austin retorts, her sad brown eyes flickering over me. My stomach jolts and I start to feel the nausea kicking in already.
“How do you think I feel after having to keep that a secret on top of everything else? I worked my ass off for the showcase so I could tell her, and she didn’t even see the whole thing. She didn’t even say that I did good but she somehow managed to let me go away for a week. I don’t get it.”
“Wren,” Austin says thickly as she comes to sit down next to me. The slight anger that was in her face has softened as she takes me in, her shoulders relaxing. “When are you going to realise that that’s how she is? She can tell within the first minute of a performance if it’s going to go well or not. That’s how she’s always been.”
I don’t know when I started crying but I did. Everything is crashing down on me so quickly that I don’t have the time to process it. Hot stupid tears rolling down my face. Maybe it was seeing my pregnant sister for the first time. Maybe it was because I feel trapped in a confusing confrontation. Or maybe it’s the words that are coming out of my sister’s mouth are the kind of thoughts I’ve spent so long trying to avoid. The ones that creep up at me at night and lay next to me, but I’ve trained my brain enough to forget them.
“If you know that, why are you still doing ballet? Why do you care so much about what she thinks?” I ask.
“That’s the way I’ve felt my entire life and I can’t get rid of that feeling — to constantly crave that validation from her. To make it up to her for not being able to skate like she did. When you’re put on that kind of pedestal from so young, it’s not easy to just snap out of it. I’m too far in to change my career path now. This is what she’s made us believe. To only have this one choice. I thought that you knew that,” Austin explains. She reaches out her hand to me, rubbing her thumb over my knuckles. I can feel my hand shaking under her gentle touch.
