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?What Was I Made For? By Billie Eilish
We get down to the infinity pool and it’s empty for once. It’s pretty late into the night and the glow coming from the lights in the pool is the only thing keeping it bright. Bright stars shine in the sky, making everything that has happened feel so small and insignificant.
After timing Kennedy’s laps in the pool, we all sit in the jacuzzi.
Timing her laps has been a requirement for our friendship. If there’s a body of water she can swim in, we have to see if she can beat her personal record that she had back home.
We all lean our heads against the sides, breathing in the chilly air whilst also feeling the warmth of the tub. We’re well into the middle of December now and it’s freezing, but there’s still that warmth coming from the jacuzzi that I hardly notice.
“Can I ask you guys something? And you’ve got to be honest with me,” Kennedy whispers. I keep my head back, not wanting to break the spell of this moment, here with my girls.
“Always,” Wren says. I hear Ken take in a deep breath, the exhale sort of shaky.
“In five years from now, when we’re done with school, we’ll hopefully all have a job, do you think we’ll still be friends? And I mean friends like this. Friends who complain about my stress induced pee breaks, friends who cry over edits together, friends who take last minute trips to Las Vegas because one of us is going through a hard time. Friends likethat.”
The weight of her words hit me like a punch to the stomach. I try not to think about theafterperiod of our lives. Living together has brought us closer in so many ways and I always wonder what’s going to happen after. Miles and Wren will most likely move in together and maybe me and Ken will be left on our own.
What then? Will we still use The Whiteboard for emergency meetings? Will I still pick her up from Florentino’s, even though it’s only a fifteen minute walk from our apartment. Will it even still be our apartment? Will Kennedy move out and go back home to South Carolina? Will I be on my own?
There’s a time, like now, where our bond feels like it transcends above space and time. As if we would exist even if we weren’t the entities we are now. Even if we were rocks, or stars, or pieces of dirt, it would always be us three. Wren Hackerly, Kennedy Wynter and Scarlett Voss. My girls.My sisters.
“Of course, we will, Ken,” I say, needing so desperately to believe it. As the words leave my mouth, I cling onto it, knowing that we all need it. “Why would you ask that?”
She sighs. “I don’t know. Sometimes when we have these great moments, I can’t help but think they won’t last. Like we’ll burn each other out.”
“I could never get sick of you guys,” Wren says, laughing a little. “I’ll be honest. I thought I would want to kill you all by the second week of living together, but I didn’t. I think it’s because I know that even when things get hard, these are the kind of moments I’m going to cherish forever. No matter what happens.”
“See,” Kennedy says, almost angrily. “That. The ‘no matter what happens’ bullshit. We can’t do that. We can’t accept the idea that we’ll eventually drift apart. I need you girls. If you’re going through it, we’re all going to go through it. Together. I wantusto grow old together, and have our kids grow old together.”
“I want that too,” I say.
“Me too,” Wren adds. I lean my head up, looking between them both and my heart just feels so…full. So complete. “You guys are my forever friends.”
“Forever friends?” Ken asks.
“Until my teeth rot and my boobs sag,” I say in a grandma voice.
“Until my backs crackin’ and my toenails are scraping against the floor,” Kennedy adds, making it seem like she’s gonna be a hobo when she’s older. Odd, but great.
“Until I'm dead and gone and buried,” Wren says.
“You just had to bring Taylor into it, didn’t you?” Kennedy says laughing.
“It was instinct. She’ll never go out of style.”
Then we’re all laughing again at the reference. Kennedy’s gripping onto the tub, laughing hysterically. Wrens wheezing and I’m just grinning ear to ear because I know what they mean. We will always have each other. I had always wanted a sister growing up, someone I could turn to for advice, but I know I don’t need one. I’ve always had two of them.
Forever friends.
35
Evan
Leaving Scarlett that day was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I had to do it. No matter how shitty these past few weeks have been without seeing her, only exchanging texts about the project, I know it’s for the better. She needs time and I’m sure as hell going to give it to her.
She’s right. I did a stupid thing.So, I’m facing the consequences, which means fucking my fist to the images of what we did in the library and having my dad berate me over the phone. The latter, happening more frequently than I’d like to admit. I can't even go into the kitchen to get a drink without my phone ringing. I know better to answer it, or he will drive here himself to talk to me.
