When I walked into this house, I was sure I’d have to do a little more hustling to get my parents to notice me, but this list that they’ve put together proves that theyseeme. They want what’s best for me, I’ve always known that. Sure, it’s a little annoying that I evenhaveto do this considering how much I’ve already done, but it’s just another step. One last hurdle before I finally get what I’ve always wanted.
The List
Design five separate pieces for the winter line
Interview a distant family member and learn about their history
Attend the Voss Couture gala and deliver a speech
Make homemade cannoli with Nonna’s recipe
Get married
Have your name on the front page of a newspaper
CHAPTER FIVE: EVAN
Since having lunch with my dad last week, I’ve been trying to embrace my college experience more. Whatever the hell that means.
Last weekend, I tried to play a video game with Miles, but he just yelled at me the entire time. He usually plays a basketball game with Xavier, and because I beat him at every game, he thinks I’ve hacked into the software. He thinks I’m—and calls me—a nerd, so he just assumes I know code, and then we got into a heated, jokey argument about how being good at things like chess doesn’t make someone a nerd.
Xavier somehow got roped into the argument, and demanded I prove I’m not a real nerd by going to their hockey game tonight. I couldn’t think of any excuses quick enough, so I agreed.
I think we’re making progress, and the quicker I can prove to my dad that my college experience is going swimmingly, the quicker I can get back to work and then he can stop worrying about me.
All the spare time I’ve had has been slowly eating away at me. I always need to occupy my mind with something, fill any quiet moments with something other than my own consuming thoughts.
The only thing I can think to do is to focus more on my music. I don’t normally have much time for it between work and school, but now I do. Going to live music events as a kid with my mom is one of the few good memories I have with her. I used to see it as a punishment before I started piano lessons, and then I fell in lovewith it. The way you could see musicians’ entire body language change when they started playing. The soft sighs and murmurs of a satisfied crowd. The quiet but not empty space between a note ending and a new one starting.
There’s a mix of control and the loss of it when I play piano that I can’t get enough of. There are rules I follow to create specific melodies, but the times when I move away from that, something completely different and beautiful happens. Playing piano is the only time I truly feel at ease, where my mind can finally rest, and I don’t have to worry about anything other than the sounds filling the room.
Having those routines and structure with music helps me feel in control of my life. If I follow my routines, everything will be okay. Everythinghasto be okay.
Still, this morning, I made a tiny mistake of checking the time wrong, and I ended up severely throwing my day off-balance, having to manically sprint to campus to make it to class on time.
