“Okay, good to know.” The thrill of that shouldn’t excite me so much, but it does. I want to prove to myself how capable I am. How much smarter I have always been but was too afraid to fully unleash it.
“Well,” I say, standing up from my chair and holding out my palm. “May the best team win. I can’t say I’ll be available if you guys change your mind.”
My parents laugh, taking turns to shake my hand. My mom clasps her hands around mine, giving them another firm shake and a squeeze. “We are so proud of you, Scarlett. You’re going to do great things.”
For the first time in a while, I don’t doubt the words that come out of my mouth.
“I know I will.”
CHAPTER THIRTY: EVAN
“Are you finishing up soon?”
I look up to see my dad standing in the doorway to my office. He’s already changed into his running gear, a bright-pink sweatband pushing his hair out of his face. My dad has always said that wearing pink makes him run faster, and as of yet he hasn’t been proved wrong.
“I shouldn’t be too long,” I say, and he nods, closing the door behind him as he leaves.
It’s been a couple days since I got back to work, and being in this office again is still weird. It’s only a small room across from my dad’s office at home, containing all the things I need to check emails, print stat sheets and occasionally hold meetings. Being in this chair doesn’t feel like it used to. I used to look forward to coming here, to sitting in this big chair and spinning around like I’m playing pretend again. Now it feels like a weight. Something I need to shake off and move on from.
Since Boston, I’ve been preparing for the internship, focusing on what skills I need to sharpen up to impress Howard Han. He even reached out to me himself, saying that he’d heard good things from Richard, who we met at the mixer, and it’s made me that much more excited to start the internship. I just don’t know how I’m going to tell my dad. It’s been easy to slip back into this routine and be around him again, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep it up.
I shut down my laptop and make my way to my bedroom, where I change into a fresh pair of sweatpants, a compression shirt and a running vest, then meet my dad outside.
“Are you sure you’re up for it today, old man?” I tease, stretching out my hamstrings.
My dad grins. “I’m always ready for a run.”
It’s beautifully sunny outside, but there’s an early March chill in the air cutting through my hair and clothes as we follow our usual trail through the woods around the house. My dad’s quicker than I am today, running ahead of me as I adopt a slower pace, taking in the tall trees and mountains. The feel of the air on my cheeks relaxes me, and I wish I could find a way to feel it everywhere all at once.
We stop somewhere halfway, sitting on a wooden bench that overlooks the clearing in the forest. I take out my headphones, listening to the rustling of animals in the trees and the wind as my dad catches his breath beside me.
I lean forward with my elbows on my knees, letting my breathing return to normal.
My dad knocks his knee against mine. “I’m really proud of you, son.”
“Dad . . .” I let out an awkward laugh, turning to him.
“No, seriously, I am,” he says sincerely, and I lean back to look at him properly. He’s got a slight crease between his eyebrows, the one he gets when he’s concentrating or when he talks about something serious. “I’m glad you got the break you needed from work, and you got the internship. I meant what I said the other day. You’re more than ready to come back to B&Co. And when you graduate, there’s going to be so many opportunities for you here.”
My chest tightens painfully, and I swallow back the bile that rises in my throat at his words. “Yeah, about that . . .” I hedge, scratching my jaw. “I don’t know if I still want to work for B&Co when I leave college.”
His head jerks back in surprise. “What?”
“I mean, this internship is going to open lots of doors for me, push me outside my comfort zone. I could find something else I’m interested in,” I say quietly.
His face softens. “But working with me has been your dream since you were a kid.”
I shrug. “For a long time I thought it would give me some stability and control. I thought it was what I was meant to do. But I think I held on to the idea of working with you just so I could be close to you. I thought if I worked with you, you’d see me more often and not worry about me as much.”
My dad shakes his head slowly. “I’m always going to worry about you.”
“But you shouldn’t have to is my point,” I say, and his eyebrows furrow. “I’mfine, Dad. I know I’ve said that before and not meant it, but this time I do. I’m doing a lot better than I was. I know when things are getting bad, and I know when to contact a doctor or my therapist.”
He blinks rapidly. “But what if I’m not there for you again? What are you going to do?”
“I need you to let me figure it out on my own. You letting me go for a few months proved that I could do that,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady, as I look him in the eye. “You need to let go of what happened with mom. That wasn’t your fault.”
“But I should’ve been there. I should’ve known you wouldn’t like the surprise, but I let her . . .” His voice cracks and he trails off, shaking his head. “You were so sick, Evan. For a while, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t think I would be able to be a good dad to you.”
