I’m not even sure what I think.
If they hurt him and he hurt them back then it’s war that’s evil, not him. But how slippery is the slope before you reach the sort of disgusting acts the humans are capable of? All justified by war. How many acts are committed by those who think a weapon in their hands is a justification?
‘It was war,’ I say finally. I know the man in front of me and I have to trust that there are some lines he would never cross. ‘A war you were forced to fight in and they were yourtormentors. You were created in violence and now look at you – you just want to paint and … and you’re so kind, Hades. And that’s wonderful. So incredibly wonderful and I’m sorry no one ever told you that creating beauty is more noble than any war ever could be. The war has been over for years and look at what the other gods have done in that time – you’renothinglike them.’
Hades shakes his head, still not relaxing.
‘You should destroy us all,’ he says.
‘And then my children destroy me? No. I’m ending this cycle of violence. And it’s a damn good thing you killed the people who hurt you because I would show them no such kindness.’
Despite my reservations, it’s true. I’m glad Mother kept me from the war because I’m terrified of what I would have done during it. I want the names of the Titans who held him. I want to find their recycled atoms spread throughout the universe and destroy them.
‘I killed my captors,’ he agrees. ‘Quite painfully too. I thought it might put the whole thing to rest. The ones who surrendered are imprisoned in Tartarus and I’m not sure that’s right either.’
‘Well, we can discuss that later. Thank you for telling me,’ I say. ‘It changes nothing. You’re still my favourite person.’
Hades stares at me. ‘You’re the smartest person I know. How could you –’
‘Precisely, I’m the smartest person you know. And, if I think you’re a good person, perhaps you should trust my judgement.’
He looks so confused it hurts me. I can’t find the right words, I can’t make the right flower to fix this, and I’m lost. I don’t know what to do. His tears are drying on his cheeks. I want tocomfort him but I can only think to do that with touch, and I don’t think he wants my hugs and affection.
Words then – something I’ve always thought myself good with and now I can’t find any.
‘Look, was it moral to kill people? Maybe not. Was it justified? Yeah, I think so. It was self-defence, right? The fact you disagree shows that you’re a better person than I am,’ I say. ‘If nothing else the fact you are wracked by so much guilt shows that you’re a good person. And I think it’s time you put what happened to rest. Learn from it, repent and move forward. One of my mortal friends, Larissa, has set up these groups for people to support one another – you know, for the ones with awful memories. You could try going along? Or, if that’s too much, I’m here whenever you want to talk. Either way, I think talking might be good.’
He hesitates. ‘Perhaps you have a point. But … logic and emotion are not things that often listen to each other.’
‘I know,’ I say. ‘But every time you need someone to remind you, I’m here.’
He squeezes my hand and manages a small smile. ‘I can hardly remember a life without you.’
‘Good, because it sounds like it really sucked.’
He laughs and I know it’s going to be okay.
As for the swords covering the palace, they’re easily handled. Some ivy here, some vines there and they’re hidden.
Hades paints a wonderful picture of it.
TAKING TIME FOR THE PICNICcosts me. Back at court, Charon, Hermes and Thanatos are arguing about the influx of souls.
‘Hermes, can’t you at least wait until I take a boat across before bringing more?’
‘Sure, let me just leave the souls floating about once Thanatos severs them. I’m sure they won’t get lost.’
‘And I can’t very well hold off on separating souls from decaying bodies, so just fill your boat more, Charon. They’re souls – they can’t weigh enough to make it sink.’
But I manage to tap back into my power to push the land at the banks of the Acheron further out, creating more space for the souls to wait for passage and halting the argument, if only temporarily.
‘Thank you,’ Charon says, already ushering more spirits into his boat. ‘Don’t worry. Whatever is causing this won’t last forever – mortal wars and diseases never do.’
Then I’m running on to the next stress. Apparently, now that the mortal souls have agency, not many are choosing tofarm like their decaying souls once did. The gods are concerned about growing hungry as the Underworld runs out of food. At least this one’s an easy fix with my powers of nature. I don’t even need to send nymphs to the surface to get more; I can grow enough myself and, unlike me, the gods of the Underworld have no qualms about eating it.
I run from one dispute to the next but it’s satisfying and rewarding and I enjoy every minute of it.
After a few weeks, I admit it: I’m a good queen. A really good queen, actually. It’s like every one of my opinions that I’ve silenced over the years is suddenly important.
