‘Kore.’ She clasps me, eyes wild and searching. ‘My child.’
‘I’m all right, I’m all right, I’m all right,’ I chant. My efforts to reassure her crumble in the face of the fact words are not possibly enough to fix what I have done to her.
‘Come on, quick,’ she says, pulling away from my hug only to grip my hand so tightly the bones crush. ‘We can get away before he comes back, hide you somewhere. He won’t be able to find you – you haven’t eaten anything here, have you?’
‘Mother, I –’ I shake my head, wondering where to even begin. ‘It’s not what you think. I like the Underworld. I rule this realm and I have power here. I’m not leaving.’
‘Power? Kore, it’s the gloomy halls of the dead with a sullen brat at its helm.’
‘I love Hades, Mother. The realm and the man.’
Is that the first time I’ve said it out loud? To my mother’s crumpling face and the growing rage twitching in her brow?
‘Kore, listen to yourself. You love your kidnapper? That’s not love, that’s you trying to survive. I’m so proud of you for that – for surviving – my darling, but you don’t need to do that any more. I’m here now. It will all be fine.’
Tears sting as they gather in my eyes, my mouth dry. I need to do it – need to confess. The moment I’ve been dreading. But, rivers of Hell, how have I let her believe this for so long? How could I have ever thought my fear was worth her grief?
‘He didn’t kidnap me,’ I say and I’m a coward even now because I can’t look at her. ‘I begged him for an audience and once I had one I forced him to give me xenia. He didn’t wantto do it. But then we became friends. And I … found power here. A domain chose me and this world bound me to it. Hades offered to marry me so I could stay. I said no –’ I risk glancing up and she’s pale, expressionless, unreadable even to me – ‘because I didn’t want to get married, couldn’t bear the thought. That’s why I ran here. But then I realized what Father would do to Hades if he thought he’d taken me. So I asked him to marry me. Because I care about him and I wanted to protect him. He said yes. And … here we are.’
My mother seems unsteady on her feet and for a moment I worry she might faint. She looks thinner than I remember. It’s difficult to imagine my mother, frailer than she’s ever been, cursing the harvests to fail and the mortals to starve.
‘I don’t know what to say, Kore,’ she says at last. ‘Do you have any idea how beside myself I was? Thinking of you, looking for you … I scoured the whole planet for you. I didn’t even sleep. I travelled by torchlight.’
‘I know, I know,’ I say. ‘I’m so sorry. I just – I couldn’t get married.’
‘Evidently you could. You did.’
‘Mother –’
‘Mother what?’ she snaps. ‘What are you going to say? You’re sorry you hurt me but you don’t regret it? My pain was worth it? Because I was going to subject you to something so terrible it justified all that?’
I don’t answer. My guilt is a hole inside myself so large I could crawl inside it, perhaps even hide within it.
She buries her head in her hands. ‘I’m so,sopleased you’re happy. I’m glad you weren’t forced into marriage with a monster.’
Really? That’s ironic …
‘But I can’t believe you’d do this to me. I … You’re many things, Kore, but I didn’t think you were this cruel.’
‘Well … I am,’ I say finally, drawing myself back up. ‘My name is Persephone now, Mother, and rumour has it they’re calling me Dread Persephone on the surface. I think there’s a part of me that is cruel. I certainly hope I’m kind more often, but, by the Fates, you don’t live in this harsh world without your soft edges being shaved to sharp points. So yes, Mother, I’m sorry I hurt you and yes, Mother, I’m sorry that if I had the choice I’d do it again. I wish I’d told you sooner but I don’t regret doing it altogether. I made a difficult choice – and it’s childish to pretend there was an option where no one got hurt. I decided that it wouldn’t be me.’
Well, it wouldn’t be me very much, anyway.
She gives a slow, rueful shake of her head. I have never known her without a tirade of words streaming from her but now it seems she can find nothing to say.
‘It was never you I was running from,’ I add. ‘It was Father and the marriage he was forcing me into.’
‘You should have trusted me,’ she insists. ‘I had so many good matches on the table, Kore.’
‘Persephone,’ I snap.
‘You would be happy up there, with me.’
‘I’m happy down here,’ I say. ‘Please, let me show you this place.’
Mother opens her hands, palms out, acquiescing. ‘Why not? Show me what it is you’ve decided is so much better than what I could possibly arrange for you.’
I take a moment to collect myself. I can do this, show hereverything I am, everything I always was, despite her best efforts.
